Alternate Episode Titles

Change or Trash: My Alternate Episode Titles Listing

The purpose of this exercise is to show what I thought was wrong with this series.

There are many episodes missing, and the reason for that is a) nothing was wrong, and b) the plot/continuity in a so-so episode needed to be maintained.

So, here’s my opinion of what needed rescuing or trashing:

 

Alternate Episode Titles

Season 1

New Title

Why

Emancipation

A Lesson for Teammates

What the Boys did wrong, never mind writers.

1st Commandment

I Am Thy God

For those of us who aren’t Christian or Jewish

Hathor

The Assaults

What Hathor did was rape & mind control.

Season 2

 

 

Bane

Transformation

Because that’s what it was

Touchstone

Rogues

Because that’s what it was about.

1969

Not a new title but a rewrite: Make Daniel speak in a normal voice while visiting Early Catherine.

Out of Mind

Shipper’s Excuse; they didn’t need a cliffhanger.

The beginning of Jack/Sam by TPTB

Season 3

 

 

Into The Fire

Dreaded Shipper’s Excuse

Frankly, just nix the episode; Kill Hathor elsewhere

Seth

Set

Renaming him Seth was stupid, & rewrite so it’s better

Point of View

Visitors

B/C Point of View made no sense to me

Demons

Ye Olde Medieval Ways

Because

Rules of Engagement

NIX (Delete)

The only purpose of the ep was to intro new Goa’uld tech & give someone an excuse to call Daniel “Four Eyes.”

Past and Present

NIX

They didn’t need to wrap up Linea’s storyline & turn Daniel into a rebounding moron.  Enough with making him fall for psychopaths.

Urgo

NIX

Because Peter DeLuise wanted Daddy in an episode. (Frankly, Peter’s entrance in the show made it go downhill b/c he didn’t take it seriously)

A Hundred Days

 

Rewrite the ending so that bitch isn’t pregnant.

New Ground

NIX

 

Season 4

 

 

Small Victories

The Beginning of the End

One: Get rid of Teal’c’s catepillar
Two:
Make Daniel’s teammates be GLAD TO SEE HIM
Three: Get Rid of the Fucking ‘Ship

The Other Side

The Other Side of You

Why was Jack such an asshole?

Upgrades

Tok’ra Spice

It’s TPTB’s Tits and Ass Show

Divide & Conquer

D & C (the other kind)

Distracting Bodywear While Killing Jack’s Rival for Sam

Window of Opportunity

D & C II

An Excuse for a Jack/Sam kiss

Scorched Earth

Courts Martial

What would have really happened to Jack & Sam

Beneath the Surface

(Rewrite)

An Excuse for a Jack/Sam & have Jack beat up on Daniel

Point of No Return

NIX

 

The Curse

Osiris (rewrite)

WTF happened to Jack? Why was Janet in his place?

2010

And They All Die (“)

Another J/S interferance in what should have been good.

Prodigy

NIX

 

Entity

NIX

 

Season 5

 

 

Ascension

 

Rewrite it so Jack’s not an ass

Red Sky

 

Rewrite it so Jack’s not an ass

Beast of Burden

Jack’s Angry at Daniel Again 1

 

The Tomb

Jack’s Angry at Daniel Again 2

 

2001

 

Rewrite the ending so Sam’s teammates give a shit

Desperate Measures

 

Rewrite and get Daniel a fucking wardrobe

Wormhole Xtreme

NIX NIX NIX NIX

 

Proving Ground

Semi-NIX

Rewrite it so Jack’s not an ass

Summit

 

Get Daniel a better disguise

Last Stand

 

Get Daniel a better disguise

Failsafe

NIX

 

The Warrior

NIX

 

Menace

What Went Wrong

Rewrite it so Jack’s not an ass

The Sentinel

NIX

 

Meridian

Ascension II (rewrite)

Jack went from friend in S1 to Maybe Friend in S5

Revelations

 

Can’t we have a nicer Jack?  There’s all this Jack/Sam shit and suddenly she’s getting the cold shoulder?

Season 6

 

 

Redemption

 

Get rid of Rodney McKay #MeToo

Redemption

 

Get rid of Rodney McKay #MeToo

Descent

NIX

 

Nightwalkers

NIX

 

Shadowplay

NIX

 

The Other Guys

NIX

 

Sight Unseen

NIX

 

Metamorphosis

NIX

 

Disclosure

NIX

 

Forsaken

NIX

 

Momento

NIX

 

Prophecy

NIX

 

Season 7

 

 

Fragile Balance

You Can’t Be Serious

Why? Because of the borderline Pedo at the end; Jack II may be a teen, but his mind isn’t. Going to High School is way out of line. Make him go to College or NIX the ep.

Space Race

NIX

 

Avenger 2.0

NIX NIX NIX NIX

It wasn’t funny, it was disturbing.

Birthright

NIX

 

Evolution 2

Almost Dead

Rewrite Jack/Sam ending & make Daniel & Sam give a shit more about their injuries.

Grace

NIX

 

Fallout

NIX

 

Death Knell

 

Rewrite Jack/Sam ending & make Daniel be there; he doesn’t need to be babysitting Jacob

Heroes

NIX

Janet Doesn’t Die

Heroes

NIX

Janet Doesn’t Die

Inauguration

NIX

 

Threads

Rewrite bits

The Jack/Sam stuff goes; Jacob lives.

Lost City

All My Better Glories

(because the title sounds better to me)

Hammond Stays

Lost City

All My Better Glories

Hammond Stays

Season 8

Rewrite the Entire Season so that Hammond stays

Because it’s how it should be

Season 9 and 10 do not exist because Jack Stays.

McKay

In a just world, that character would not have been written committing sexual harassment. That said, Sam should have had the bastard up on charges.  He is the sole reason I couldn’t completely get into Stargate: Atlantis.  The *only* reason I watched it was a) I liked Sheppard, b) I loved Ronon, c) whenever Daniel showed up, and d) when Sam showed up.

Sam

Having her be replaced by Woolsey was inexcusable. Yet *another* sexist move on The Powers That Be; one other inexcusable move was not giving Sam leadership of SG-1 in season 9.  She had seniority, but TPTB couldn’t have a woman in charge of SG-1, so they brought in the Farscape crew.  Disgusting.

Why have a Stargate SG-1 website then?

Technically, it’s Stargate SG-1 Slash.  But the answer is: Because half of it was good and Jack and Daniel, for the most part, were freakin’ awesome.  Hence, you know, Slash.

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