Joy's Index | Main Index | Trinity Index | Feedback

---

Entering the house, Jason headed for the kitchen while Daniel crossed the living room turn on the stereo.  The radio came on and knowing Jason liked the song, he turned up the volume.  Eric Clapton was currently playing his 'unplugged' version of "Layla."  They shared an interest in music, which Daniel found he appreciated. It was also something that was sort of spooky in a way, having similar tastes in a lot of things, as well as a similar outlook on life in general. He'd rarely bring it up to Jason, however, because whenever he got the man going on a spiritual discussion, he'd be listening to him for hours. Sometimes--only sometimes--Daniel could sort of see the point of Jack's impatience during his archaeological briefings.

As Jason put the restaurant leftovers, Daniel paused in front of the living room window, tapping his foot to the music, thinking of the last two days.  He had a feeling Jason was watching him from the kitchen and when he looked over his shoulder, he caught him watching him through the open breakfast bar.

Jason smiled softly at him, then looked away, paying attention to the food as he put it in storage containers. He knew that Jack's visit in the restaurant had unnerved Daniel. The man had been silent on the drive home and probably because he was worrying about Jack's interpretation of their having dinner together. It was an unjustified worry, of course. Friends went out to dinner all the time, but because that time was special, Jason had a feeling that Daniel thought Jack could see it, too.

Jason took a deep breath, sighing wistfully. He knew Daniel loved Jack, loved him more than simple friendship allowed, and if Jack ever pulled his head out of his ass, they might just get together finally. It was a day that Jason dreaded. He'd lose Daniel then. He knew that Daniel would never purposely hurt him, never string him along as second best, and so Jason expected their new relationship to end fairly soon. To go back to being 'just friends.' It hurt, knowing that, but Jason had no intention of backing off or going away in order to make it easier for either of them. The stubborn side of him refused to allow it, for there were times when Jason wanted to smack Daniel into sense, to make him see that he couldn't put his romantic life on hold "just in case" Jack came around. It wasn't fair to either of them.

As he mulled things over, the radio changed songs and Stevie Nicks' "Leather and Lace" came on. Jason smiled. In the past, he'd sung this song with his sister, Lysa, who'd always told him he had a voice like Don Henley's. But Jason knew better, knowing she was also biased and frankly, full of shit.

Time to get a second opinion, Jason thought, and he headed into the living room and moved up behind Daniel, surrounding him with in arms, and sung just behind his ear.

"You in the moonlight, with your sleepy eyes, could you ever love a man like me? And you were right, when I walked into your house, I knew I'd never want to leave. Sometimes I'm a strong man, sometimes cold and scared, and sometimes I cry. But that time I saw you, I knew with you to light my nights, somehow I'd get by..."

He paused, feeling the goosebumps rise on both their skins. "The song is strangely appropriate, don't you think?"

Daniel turned his head, a crooked smile on his face. "Maybe. And you know, the only people who'd ever sung to me were women?"

"Really?" Jason asked archly, feeling a twinge of jealousy.

Daniel's grin turned mischievous. "My mom and Shau're."

"Ah," Jason answered, feeling some of his ardor leave at the mention of those names. He started to move away but Daniel grabbed his arms, holding him.

"That was a compliment, Jason," he said, turning around in his arms.

Jason looked down, avoiding his eyes. "Right."

"You don't think so?"

Looking up without lifting his chin, Jason gave him a provocative look and said in a secretive voice, "The mention of mothers and old girlfriends or wives tends put a lock on the libido."

Daniel cringed and tightened his arms around him. "Sorry," he said, and it was his turn not to meet his gaze.

Jason shrugged, and against his better judgment, he pulled from his embrace and stepped back, suddenly doing the very thing he'd told himself he'd never do: backing off. "Maybe it's a sign."

Daniel stared at him, brows knotting. "A sign of what? Jason, what the hell's going on here?"

"Um, what do you mean?" Jason answered evasively, knowing damn well the question was a stupid one.

"We've been best friends for a long time. I know you. And you're sending me mixed signals. You love me, you want me, and now, you don't want me, so--"

"Oh, I want you, Daniel," Jason said, grabbing his hand and pulling Daniel toward him--as if he hadn't been the one to back away. "I want you all the goddamn time."

"Then what's wrong?" Daniel asked, feeling annoyed. As he stared into Jason's eyes, something occurred to him. "Was it because I mentioned Shau're or because I mentioned women period?"

Jason winced slightly. "Maybe both." Daniel started to answer but Jason covered his mouth with two fingers. "Let me finish," he went on, pausing for a moment before continuing. "Maybe it's my own insecurity, but I feel like I'm competing with her memory and I don't want to feel like that."

Daniel's frown deepened and the annoyance was quickly turning to anger. "Okay, let me make this plain. This isn't a competition. I mentioned her because she used to sing to me just like my mother did. When you sang to me, it made me feel good, and while I remembered them, your singing sent an entirely different sort of feeling through me. It has nothing whatsoever to do with comparisons. Do you understand or do I need to spell it out further?"

That said, he cradled the back of Jason's neck and reached down with his free hand to cup his groin. "Here is where I felt it, Jason," he murmured, then pulled him in for a kiss that started light but ended with tongues dueling and bodies pressed firmly together.

As they kissed, Daniel felt the need to do something for Jason, but knew he needed an excuse. He tried to remember when Jason's birthday was but couldn't exactly concentrate. Breaking the kiss, he asked, "We need to celebrate us, you know."

Jason snorted softly. "I think we've been doing that."

Daniel shook his head and nuzzled Jason's face, rubbing their noses. "No, something more. We need a ritual."

Jason laughed, rolling his eyes. "Didn't going out on a date apply?"

"Yeah," Daniel said, eyes sparkling with mischief. "When's your birthday? August 20th or 21st?"

"August 20th, 1962," Jason answered with a confused frown. "A few months away, too. What happened to that brilliant memory of yours?"

Daniel twisted his mouth with a bit of embarrassment.  "I think it was ambushed," he said, then stepped away to tease Jason further, knowing from the man's partial erection--as well as his own--that he wanted to do something other than talk.

"Where are you going?" Jason asked, stepping forward.

"Stepping away to think," Daniel answered, continuing to move backward.

"Like hell you are," Jason said, going after him, and when the back of Daniel's legs hit the arm of the couch, he took advantage. Grabbing at his jeans, Jason swiftly opened them and pulled them down, along with his briefs, as he dropped to his knees.

As Jason took his cock into his mouth, Daniel half-closed his eyes, one hand grabbing the back of the couch while the other threaded through Jason's hair. "Jason," he whispered, but was immediately lost to the pleasure. Biting his lip and moaning, he began to thrust gently when he realized that the curtains over the front window were open. Anyone coming up the walkway could look through and see them.

Daniel thought about stopping to close the curtains, but he didn't want Jason to stop and he didn't mind the idea of being watched. Though he refused to think his name, he knew who he'd love to show up. To have that certain man see his cock in Jason's mouth, to know he was loving it--and that it wasn't him.

Daniel looked down to watch Jason suck him, feeling the pleasure build and build. Pretty soon, Jason was moving quickly, the tell-tale sound of suction getting louder, his lips getting redder. Then suddenly, Daniel's balls drew up and he grabbed Jason's head as he shot his come into his mouth, spurting harder as his lover met his gaze and swallowed.

"Yes," he whispered breathlessly, waiting for his orgasm to wane. The moment it did, he pulled Jason to his feet and turned them around swiftly. Kissing him as he opened his jeans, he was soon on his knees returning the favor. As he looked up into Jason's face, he saw him look out the window, then down into his eyes. Jason was thinking the same thing (apart from thinking of you-know-who) and Daniel sucked him harder and more quickly, letting him know that he was getting off on it. His cock surged and the pre-come flowed with every lick, every suck. It took Jason a little longer to come, but it was on purpose, an indulgence. He was also noiser, more tactile, and Daniel's hair was a mess by the time he cupped his ears and held his head, shooting down his throat.

Jason threw his head back and closed his eyes as Daniel sucked him dry, whispering, "I love you," repeatedly. When Daniel pulled him from his mouth, Jason slowly dropped to his knees and took him in his arms, kissing him long and slow.

As the afterglow began to abate, Daniel couldn't help but think about the difference in his feelings compared to days before. He'd had a weight on his shoulders for such a long time and now, it was gone. Jason was aptly named, for his name meant 'healer.' Perhaps it was just a lovely coincidence, but these days, Daniel rarely believed in coincidences.

"What are you thinking about?" Jason asked as he pulled from one of their kisses.

Daniel grinned. He had a feeling Jason would notice. When he thought of something other than what he was doing, he tended to let Jason take over. "The meaning of your name."

Jason threw him a confused look. "Where'd that come from?"

"Your name means healer, Jason, and for the last two days, that's what I've felt." Jason stared at him, speechless. "I know it's a rather sappy thing to say, but you've made me feel so much better since..." He paused, then drew up another crooked smile, "Before you ambushed me in the shower."

"Complaints?" Jason teased back.

"None. But you make me want more."

"You'll have it," Jason grinned as he started to stand, pulling Daniel up with him. "Just give me a while to rebound."

Daniel chuckled softly. "I think we can wait till later, Jason. No sense wearing each other out."

"Be a fun way to get sore though, don't you think?"

Daniel jogged his brows as he buttoned himself up. "Sore isn't the problem. Getting it up all the time is. We're not as young as we used to be."

"There's always Viagra," Jason said as he closed his jeans.

"Jason," Daniel snorted, moving to the kitchen.

"Yeah, well," Jason followed, "it was just a thought, even if it wasn't really a serious one."

"Neither of us has a problem getting it up. We just recharge slower, that's all."

"Pain in the ass," Jason muttered as grabbed a nectarine from the fruit bowl on the table. As he bit into it, the quiet was interrupted by the sound of his beeper going off. Jason went to the bureau where he'd set his keys and looked at the screen.

"It's Lise. You mind if I call her back?"

"Jason, you don't have to ask, just call her," Daniel said.

Jason gave him a look then dialed the phone. "Hey, it's me, what's ... Okay ... What? Well where the fuck is ... okay, okay, I'm sorry, calm down, but you know ..." He paused and sighed with a hard measure of impatience.  "Yeah, I know where ... okay ... see ya in a few. Bye."

"She havin' her baby now?" Daniel asked.

Jason snorted. "She thinks it's way past due even though she's technically three days early." He paused, giving Daniel a knowing look. "Worse came to worse, you could deliver the baby, given you've done it before."

Daniel frowned. "You read that mission report?"

Jason suddenly sobered and cleared his throat. "Um, that one and Shau're's. Plus I saw your file and found you'd done it a few times out in the field, on digs."

Daniel stared at him, not understanding. "Why'd you read my file?"

Jason grinned. "For the same reason you read mine. To know who you were working with back at the beginning."

Daniel jogged his brows again, realizing that Jason was right. He really didn't have any reason to be suspicious or annoyed with him and Daniel tried to keep from being a hypocrite whenever possible. "Yeah, okay. Busted. But I read it because I wanted to get to know you. I don't read everyone's report. Yours was... interesting to say the least."

Jason cocked a brow. "In what way?"

"Pre-SGC? Your record has blanks."

Jason grimaced. "Yeah. That's where Colonel O'Neill and I are the same. We've been on covert missions so those areas of our records have been secured until later."

Daniel snorted. "Considering what we do every day, couldn't you tell me?"

Jason thought about it, then shook his head. "Yeah, on the QT. But I don't really like to talk about that shit, Daniel. Most of it wasn't nice."

Daniel suddenly saw Jason as another version of Jack, dressed in covert ops gear, camouflage paint on his face. For reasons he didn't examine, the image aroused him. He walked over and slid his arms around him, then abruptly kissed him, hard, one hand traveling down over Jason's ass. Jason did the same and they suddenly pulled apart, panting.

"Don't you dare," Jason warned. "I have to leave."

"I know, but I couldn't help it."

"Where'd it come from anyway?" Jason asked as he smoothed his thumb over Daniel's reddened lips.

"Thinking of you as a member of Special Investigations, dressed in camouflage, paint on your face."

Jason grinned slowly. "The image turn you on?"

Daniel nodded, staring at him, hoping Jason wouldn't make fun.

"Then I have an idea," Jason said, biting at his lip.

"What?" Daniel asked, caught between wariness and excitement.

"Later, this weekend, why don't we have a little fantasy? Ever role play?"

"A few times, but not completely," Daniel answered, feeling his dick twitch. He wasn't about to get hard soon, but the rest of him was interested.

Jason cleared his throat and stepped back. "I better go before I do something that makes me late and pisses Lysa off."

Daniel nodded. "Then you'd better go, though I doubt if you'll be in the room..." and at the look on Jason's face, Daniel's brows shot up. "Are you going to be in the room?"

"I promised to help coach her if that rat bastard husband wasn't going to be there. Looks like that's the case."

"So that's the reason you lost your temper on the phone?"

Jason made a face. "Most of the time, the man's okay, but he works at NORAD, not the SGC. He could have made himself available.  We have a damn good reason when we can't make it, but he has no excuse. So yeah, I'm a bit mad at him right now."

Daniel sighed deeply. "Calm down before you get there, Jace, or you'll be useless to her." Jason took a deep breath and Daniel noticed he was shaking slightly. "Come here," he said, then drew him into another passionate kiss, pressing himself as close as possible against Jason.

"Dammit," Jason said, touching his forehead to Daniel's.  "Didn't work. You wound me up inside."

"Sorry," Daniel said--with a grin.

"You're not. Thanks for trying to distract me. I promise I'll make you see it through when I return."

Daniel's face spread into a great big grin.  "That's no threat."

"No, it's a promise," Jason answered, then blew out a slow, exasperated breath and went for the door.  "I gotta go."

"Call me, regardless of the time."

Jason nodded.  "You got my pager number?"  Daniel nodded back.  "Good.  If you need me for any reason, call.  You won't disturb me in the hospital.  I'll turn the thing on 'vibrate'."

"In that case, I might call just to give you a thrill."

Jason snorted, thrusting a little bit of hip into Daniel.  "You just had to say that."

Daniel felt no guilt whatsoever, then separated from him.  "See, you're calming down."

"You handling me?" Jason said in mock-irritation.

"You like it," Daniel said with a mischievous grin.

Jason pushed at him.  "In many ways," Jason replied. "And thanks.  This is Lise's first so the labor's bound to be long, according to family history."

"Doesn't always tell though," Daniel added with encouragement.

Jason laughed softly.  "Hopefully."

"How about one more for the road," Daniel said, then grabbed Jason and kissed him hard, driving his tongue deep into his mouth.

"I'll see you later," Jason whispered against his neck.

Daniel laughed quietly and pulled away.  "I'll be here."

Jason sighed heavily as he released him. "I can't get over how natural this feels. You know, us. Doesn't this feel weird to you?"

Daniel grinned. "Sort of." When Jason's expression looked odd, Daniel thumped him in the chest. "Don't do the insecure thing again or I'll give you another lecture." He paused, then pointedly added, "After the fantasy." Jason grinned at him and said nothing as Daniel opened the door.

. . .

Jack pulled up into Daniel's driveway, noticing the extra vehicle and recognized it as Coburn's.  Walking up the front path, he started to pass the living room window, glancing through it, when he saw Daniel and Jason standing next to each other near the front door.  He was going to tap on the window, but stopped, frozen in mid-movement, when Daniel reached out, pulled Jason against him, and planted a lip lock on him that rivaled the last one he'd seen planted on Daniel. By Shau're.

Jack felt his heart in his throat, and when Daniel's hand moved down and grabbed his friends' ass, his jaw dropped with the realization that they were lovers. That they'd probably been fucking.

Daniel was fucking Coburn. And more to the point, Coburn was fucking Daniel. Without hesitation, Jack stepped forward out of the way so he wouldn't get caught peeking in, and he forced himself to breathe slowly, evenly, despite what his pounding heart was telling him to do. His face was hot from embarrassment and jealousy and it got worse when he suddenly heard Daniel, through the door, laugh in a way he'd never known. A very seductive, playful laugh. The sound sent a shiver down his spine, reaching very specifically around for his groin.

Jack's reaction surprised him, especially in its intensity. He thought he'd quelled this part of himself, but judging from the way he was now feeling, he was quite wrong. He schooled his features quickly, knowing that at any moment, the door would open. If he turned around to leave, it wouldn't have been fast enough to leave unseen, so best to pretend he hadn't seen anything.

He thought up the words for the lie but it was going to be difficult to say them without betraying his tone. The images of that kiss and of Daniel's hand grabbing ass were burning into his brain, his memory seared with the sound of that particular laugh. And further, there came the unbidden, conjured images of Coburn sucking Daniel, fucking Daniel, of Daniel's face in ecstasy as he came...

Growling at himself with disgust, Jack finally got himself under control just as the front door opened.

. . .

Daniel opened the door and both he and Jason were shocked by the surprised presence of Jack O'Neill standing there. Recovering first, Jason cleared his throat and turned to privately wink at Daniel, then stepped over the threshold and onto the porch. Daniel irrationally wanted to hit him for leaving him alone with Jack.

"Colonel," Jason greeted as he passed him.

"Major," Jack said, pleased that he sounded normal.

"I'll give you a call as soon as there's news," Jason said to Daniel as he walked away.

"Okay," Daniel replied, giving Jason a short wave goodbye.  Daniel didn't say anything to Jack yet and instead, he stepped outside to watch Jason as he got into his truck and pulled out of the drive. After Jason drove away, he finally turned around to give Jack his attention.

"Jack," he said, moving into the doorway, blocking the way and making it clear that he hadn't invited him inside. He was annoyed with Jack for interrupting and didn't care if he showed it.

"Daniel."

"What're you doing here?"

"On my way home, it occurred to me that I hadn't seen your place in a long time, and so, here I am."

"Yes, here you are," Daniel said, making no effort to move.

"Are you going to invite me in?"

Daniel stood there looking at him for a second or two, then sighed and stepped gestured inside the house. Jack hesitated, then walked in, and Daniel followed, closing the door behind him. He wanted to stand there in the foyer, cross his arms, and demand the real reason Jack was there, but doing so wouldn't get him the answer. Jack was sometimes like a Southern gentleman and needed to be sweet-talked before getting down to business. Give him liquor or food and he'd be in a compliant mood. And Daniel was quite sure Jack wouldn't see himself that way. He preferred the "hard-assed, common sense man" definition.

"Well, here it is," he said finally, gesturing at the living room and kitchen. As he headed to the latter, he asked, "You want something to drink?"

"Driving," Jack said as he followed him, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Coke then?"

"Sure," Jack said, taking the can. He wanted to sit down, but leaned against the end of the counter instead. When Daniel leaned against the opposite counter, Jack felt absurdly pleased. He didn't quite know what to say, so he busied himself with opening and drinking the Coke.

Giving him a scrutinizing look, Daniel crossed his arms and considered the fact that Jack had seen him and Jason kissing. He wasn't worried about regs or what Jack would think about him. Jack didn't have a homophobic bone in his body. What worried him was Jack's pointed silence. The man had to have seen something. He was never this quiet.

Jack, meanwhile, was considering what to say next and knew he had to say something. He'd seen the Guinness beer in the door of the fridge and wondered about it. It had to be Coburn's, which meant the man was over here all the time. But as what? A friend or a lover?

"I, uh, noticed the beer," he finally said, pointing his Coke at the fridge. "I thought you didn't drink it."

"It's Jason's. The stuff I kept when we were friends got too old."

"Beer never gets old, Daniel."

"I threw it out," Daniel explained.

Jack somehow refrained from wincing. It was his fault after all. "Oh," he said, jogging his brows. "So you and Jason... hang out then?"

Daniel paused a beat before answering, measuring Jack's words. Yes, he had seen. But he was dancing around it, as if he was waiting for Daniel to tell him. Except, why would he expect that? He had no right to expect anything anymore, not as his friend. On the other hand, he might think he had cause to know as his team leader--even if reasoning was full of shit.

"Can I ask you something?" Jack said suddenly.

Daniel eyed him somewhat warily.  "Go ahead."

"Is it serious, you and Coburn?"

The question took Daniel by surprise. He never expected Jack to ask outright; the man took prevarication as a badge of honor. Perversely, Daniel decided to purposely misread him. "He's my best friend. Can't get more serious than that."

"What I..." Jack started to say, then swallowed. Hard. "I'm sorry," he said, and set the Coke down. "I shouldn't have come."

He turned around and left the kitchen and Daniel's anger rose quickly. "That's getting to be a nasty habit," he said between his teeth. "Maybe you should see Janet or McKenzie about that." He couldn't see Jack anymore, but when the man reappeared, Daniel knew he'd hit a nerve.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Why'd you even come here?" Daniel snapped. "You wanted to talk, and then suddenly, you throw the walls up, clam up, pretend only your feeling count." Daniel took a heavy breath and walked past him. "Fine, run away. You know where the door is--" Jack grabbed him by the arm and startled by the strength of it, Daniel stared at him till Jack let him go.

"I'm not running away," Jack said tightly. "I just suddenly remembered it wasn't my place to comment on what's no longer any of my business."

"Never stopped you before," Daniel said sarcastically.

Jack stared at him, fighting the anger he was feeling. "I didn't come here to argue."

Daniel frowned, confused. "That's all we do anymore. You came here to talk knowing damn well that we'd argue. So fine, that's what we're doing. May as well tell me what the hell we're arguing about"

Jack looked at him for a long moment, considering the matter. If he wanted their friendship back, he'd have to admit some things--it was why he'd come over. Protectively, he stuffed his hands in his pockets again for fear he'd reach out and touch him again. And he didn't trust himself as how he'd touch him.

"I came to say that I'd like us to, well, make up and be friends again."

"I didn't end it, Jack. You'll first have to explain to me why we were no longer friends. I have no clue why you started being an asshole to me. Caring too much for Sam wasn't the reason."

"No, that wasn't the reason."

"So, what the hell did I do wrong?"

Jack suddenly reached for him, then pulled back his hand. "Nothing. It was me." He was thankful that Daniel didn't add anything or throw him a sarcastic comment. He was silent for a moment as he fidgeted with pockets, distracting himself momentarily with the things in Daniel's living room. Finally, he started to explain, but kept his eyes averted.

"If you tell me you're dying, I'm going to shoot you," Daniel said, suddenly wondering if that was the reason and hating that he was feeling panicky over it.

"No, that would be easy to say compared to this," Jack replied, wincing. "Our friendship was... getting too close, Daniel."

"Too close? How the hell can our friendship get too close?" Daniel asked. He didn't dare try to guess what Jack meant.

"Every time you got hurt," Jack said, deliberately not looking at him, "I wanted to kill whoever did it." He shook his head. "I knew that if I let myself care like that, especially in the field, I could make decisions that would end up getting you or the whole team killed." He took a deep breath and finally looked at Daniel, but the feelings that came with it when he looked at him forced him to look away. "I knew what a colossal ass I'd been to you, especially after we lost Elliot, but when Jacob told me what you'd done, tried to do..."

Daniel swallowed, still confused but a little more relieved. 'Close' meant Jack didn't like him risking his life. "Why didn't you just talk to me about it?"

Jack shook his head and wandered over to the front window. "Back then, I thought I was just reacting to the stress of the battle so I let it go."

Daniel knew there was a lot more to it than that. "And now?"

Jack suddenly turned and walked toward him, slowly, and Daniel somehow resisted the impulse to retreat.

Jack stared hard at him and took another deep breath.  "Now. I had an epiphany today, seeing you and Coburn together..." He paused, then added, "And not just at the restaurant."

Daniel lifted his chin. "I figured."

Jack misread the words, for they sounded to cavalier. "You have to be careful, Daniel. What if I'd been someone else, like Hammond?"

Daniel nodded quickly. "Saved for future reference. Please continue."

"Because of what I saw, it's only fair I tell you something."

Daniel jumped to the wrong conclusion. "You can't be a homophobe, Jack. Don't tell me you've--"

"I'm bisexual."

Daniel blinked several times, feeling like the rug had just been pulled out from underneath him.  He felt lightheaded and his heart was beating very fast. "What?" he asked softly, but inside, he couldn't help but ask, Why couldn't you have said this last week?

"I never planned to say anything. But when I saw you and Coburn by the door doing... what you were doing... I felt kicked in the stomach, like I had just seen what I could have had if I..."

Daniel's mouth dropped open and the blood was rushing through his ears so hard it was difficult to think. It wasn't just shock but the new understanding that Jack had taken their friendship away because he was attracted to him. It was as simple as that. Anger began to rise then and knowing it would do no good, he tried to stifle it. And failed.

"And now you're telling me because you want a shot at me, is that it?"

Jack's eyes narrowed. "No. I didn't actually examine why I was coming here and I didn't bother to question why I wasn't ignoring my feelings like I usually do.  Then I saw you... heard you."

Daniel gawped at him, his mind refusing to think Jack had been spying on them, that he'd watched them have sex. "Heard me?" was all he was going to ask.

Jack held up his hand quickly. "No, it's not what you're thinking."

"You don't know what I'm thinking," Daniel said, returning the gesture with a pointed finger, reminiscent of the gesture Jack used to make a million years ago. "In fact, I'm not thinking what I'm thinking. Explain."

Jack sighed, wishing he'd just kept driving. But it was too late, he was committed to this damn path and he'd just better suck it up and risk the embarrassment. As his Dad used to say, 'in for a penny, in for a pound.' "You laughed," he said, clearing his throat. When Daniel frowned in obvious confusion, he clarified. "Not like what happens when you tell a joke--and frankly, hearing you laugh at all is rare so I'm going on limited experience here. What I meant was the kind of laugh between... intimates. A laugh I never thought I'd ever hear you make."

Daniel's frown deepened. "When was this laugh?"

"After the kiss," Jack said, then cleared his throat several times.

"Oh," Daniel said, the light dawning. He turned around and ran a hand through his hair, wondering why that particular knowledge should bother him. If they were still friends, maybe it wouldn't, but now? Even if Jack did want to get back what they once had, it would take a while. Despite his own feelings of love for the man as well as his current anger, Daniel knew that no matter what Jack wanted, he'd have to prove himself all over again. "Okay, so..." he began, raising his hand. "You want to go back to being friends, and telling me what you saw and that you're bi is your version of, what, breaking the thaw between us?"

Jack cleared his throat again. "Something like that. Although I hadn't actually intended to tell you I was bi. I only said it because of what I saw, and I figured it'd be like giving a secret for a secret."

Daniel stared at him distrustfully. He wasn't stupid. Jack's reasons for backing off the friendship now combined with this did not say he wanted to just stay friends? He was marking his territory, although he was pretty damn sure Jack would disagree. "No ulterior motive then?"

"No," Jack said guardedly. "Why? You think I have another reason?"

Daniel recrossed his arms. "I don't know, that's why I asked." It was only half a lie.

Jack hesitated to answer, grinding his jaw. He didn't want to tell him he loved him, that he wanted him, but maybe if he met him halfway, Daniel would admit to something, too. It would be a step, a show of trust. At least, he hoped Daniel saw it that way.

"I'm here to ask if we could start over, pick up our friendship again. I've noticed what's been happening, what you've been doing, and--"

"Doing?" Daniel interrupted.

"Cutting yourself off, even from Coburn," Jack said, and Daniel looked mollified. Then before he could stop himself, Jack asked, "How long's that been going on anyway? Can't have been long or he's doing something wrong."

Daniel rolled his eyes and walked back into the kitchen. "If we're going to keep talking about sex, I need a drink."

"Daniel, this isn't about sex," Jack replied as he followed him. Rubbing his face, he added, "In fact, I can't believe I'm having this conversation. I planned only to come here and mend fences, and honestly, that's all that was on my mind. But seeing you and Coburn--"

"Jason," Daniel corrected as he poured himself a glass of red wine. "If we're gonna talk about him in a very personal discussion, then call him Jason."

Jack conceded that. "Fine. Jason. Seeing you two, I felt..."

"Jealous?" Daniel challenged.

Jack ground his jaw again, not wanting to admit it. "Reminded," he compromised, not wanting to outright lie. "I saw what I could have had and--"

Daniel started laughing, and it wasn't kind. "You are unbelievable. What makes you think that we'd have ended up fucking each other?"

Jack stared at him, running all the possible acidic answers round in his head. "I'll take that beer."

Daniel retrieved the beer and handed to him. "Well?"

Jack took a long drink first, grimacing at the bite, then leveled Daniel with a heavy look. "First of all, I wasn't talking about sex, but you seem to be, so just who wants who here?" He paused and when Daniel was about to answer, he went on. "Second of all..." He paused again, not really sure there was a second point to make. Daniel was right. He wanted him.

"Second?"

Jack frowned, having lost his train of thought. "Second," he began again, but couldn't think of what to say. The moment Daniel had said 'fucking each other,' he'd sort of lost whatever else he'd thought to say. Although it probably didn't matter. He was flying by the seat of his pants now. "Cutting yourself off, as I said," he said, rubbing his brow to concentrate. "I noticed, but I said nothing, thinking it was better that way."

"Better?" Daniel said derisively. "Because you cared? I'd hate to see what would've happened if you'd hated me."

Jack lost his temper then and he slammed the beer bottle onto the counter and went toward Daniel, knowing he shouldn't, every fiber of his being telling him to stop. Daniel quickly set his glass down and prepared for what he thought was going to be an attack. When Jack reached out and grabbed him by his arms, he shoved against his chest. Hard. The result was them both falling to the floor because Jack wouldn't let go of him.

"Goddamn it, Jack!" Daniel shouted as he pushed off and sat up. "I thought you wanted to mend things, not pick a fight!"

Sitting up as well, Jack reached out, again, and this time, grabbed Daniel's face in both hands. "Do you have any idea what it costs me to have feelings I shouldn't have for a member of my team? To have feelings for someone I may have to order to their death someday? Do you?"

Daniel stared at him, the words penetrating his brain along with the fierce look in Jack's eyes. It held fear and anxiety, and that could be caused simply because he was someone Jack had to protect, but right now, Daniel knew that wasn't it. It was because Jack loved him.

"You have a funny way of showing me you love me," he said softly.

Jack took a deep breath and let Daniel go. Looking away, he pushed off the floor, then held out his hand. Daniel took it and got to his feet. "It's just hard," Jack continued, "knowing the feelings aren't returned. But in many ways, it's a blessing."

"You need a brush-up course on how to read people, Colonel O'Neill," Daniel said with light sarcasm. "I wouldn't have been so hurt if I didn't..."

Jack stared at him, eyes widening. "Didn't?"

"Love you so damn much." Jack started to reach for him again but Daniel stepped back, holding up a hand. "No, it's not that simple. If we start over, we start over, only this time, it's you who has to earn back my trust." He swallowed. "I'm sorry, Jack, but I don't trust you not to hurt me again."

Jack grabbed his hand, then pulled Daniel in for a hug. "Friends hug. We can at least do that, right?"

Slowly, Daniel surrounded Jack in his arms, but he kept his hold light. "Yeah, we do that." It was very hard not to tighten his grip though. At that moment, all he wanted to do was kiss the man. Instead, he pulled away. "This doesn't change my relationship with Jason. And you'd better not mess with it, either."

Jack scowled at him. "I'm an asshole, not a poacher."

"Don't be either."

"You give me too much credit," Jack said with a smirk.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "And one more thing I want you not to do, only in this case, I want you to stop doing it."

Jack lifted his chin. "What's that?"

"Stop acting dumb. All it does is insult me and everyone else who knows you. Besides, I think you'll agree it reflects badly on the SGC and the US Air Force." Jack smiled then and Daniel wanted to smack him. He was so goddamned gorgeous when he smiled. "What the hell are you smiling about?"

"I guess some military protocol rubbed off on you after five years."

"Oh, ha, ha," Daniel said, reaching for his wine glass. "I'm serious."

"So am I," Jack said, then held up a hand when Daniel scowled at him. "I promise. And I promise, no problems with Jason."

Daniel sighed. "Thank you. I love him, Jack. Really, I do, first as a friend, second as... well, you know, and I don't want that fucked with.  If we end up not working out, I don't want it to be anyone else's fault but our own. Got it?"

"Got it."

Daniel sighed again, feeling a lot better. "Now, do me a favor and go. I need to be alone for awhile to process," and he made a polite gesture for the door.

Jack couldn't help the feeling of relief. "Sure, okay." Heading for the door, he stopped as he pulled it open. "This really does mean a lot to me. Don't think it doesn't just because..." and he waved his hand at him, "you're being you and maybe because I hadn't said it before. Don't need you making more assumptions."

Daniel allowed a smile. "I've missed us."

For a few moments, Jack had to squash the temptation to shut the door and grab Daniel and kiss him. Instead, he just nodded agreement. "Same here."

"I'll talk to you later, okay?" Daniel said, trying to hide how desperately he wanted Jack to leave.

"You know where I am." He gave Daniel a long look, then sauntered out.

Daniel sighed against the door after closing it, his heart nowhere near slowing down. "Jason, hurry up and get your ass back here. I need you."

Next Chapter

webdesign by tri-star web design