By Joy
Drama | Mature | J/D
73 kb / 28 pages / 12,440 words

Summary: Daniel confronts Jack on his behavior and finds the tables turned.
Author Note: Sequel to Deep Recesses. I couldn't leave it alone.

. . .

"Just imagine my surprise
when I looked into your eyes and saw
through your disguise."

. .

"Would I lie to you?
Would I lie to you, honey?
Now would I say something that wasn't true?
I'm asking you, sugar, would I lie to you?"

Back home. Daniel had never been so relieved. The only thing that kept his cheer in check was Jack. The man appeared to be fine with their mutual decision to leave things between them alone, but perversely, Daniel found himself wishing Jack wasn't as okay with it as he'd said he was. Daniel knew Jack was a patient man but it bothered him that he could so easily control his feelings. Not that they'd shared many feelings, or anything else for that matter. A kiss was just a kiss... except Daniel couldn't believe that where Jack was concerned.

Minutes before, Daniel had looked past the nurse taking his vitals to watch Jack a few beds over, and he found himself thinking of that kiss and wishing it could have lasted longer, wishing he could have done more. Wishing he hadn't been so afraid. Right now, there wasn't exactly fear. There was guilt.

He'd lied to Jack. Not exactly on purpose, but the reason for his backing off hadn't been the real one. Daniel certainly was afraid of Jack dying, but it was something he'd grown used to. Losing Shau're had only strengthened his resolve not to crumble when, or if, someone else was killed. Namely Jack. So Daniel had prepared himself for it as best he could.

No, what kept him from seeking a relationship with the one person he knew would make him happy was his deep-seated fear of intimacy. Daniel was afraid of showing his vulnerability, because that vulnerability could be used as a weapon against him, and while he didn't think Jack would do that to him, he knew he could. In a way, he was afraid of Jack dying on him, but it was death of love, not life, and the humiliation of having to work with him after being... rejected. It wasn't a rational fear--as if any of them really were--but this one was dependant solely on "what ifs." If he was rejected, if something bad happened between them, Jack would have this intimate knowledge of him. And when and where he would use that knowledge was what scared Daniel.

He hated it, this fear. It controlled him and he didn't know how to take away its power. Where Jack was concerned, the fear seemed to be justified--because it wasn't without foundation. Daniel had already experienced a type of rejection a year earlier, when Jack had told him such hurtful things about their non-existent friendship. Even though it had turned out to be a lie, that had somehow made it worse. Daniel understood about duty, understood that sometimes you had to lie, and he knew that Jack was very, very good at lying. But he hadn't ever expected to be on the receiving end like that. Not like that. How the hell could Daniel trust him after that? The answer, of course, was faith. Except it was hard to rebuild once you'd been burned.

Did he trust Jack not to burn him? Sadly, painfully... no, he didn't. And that was the worst thing, knowing that. And because of that, Daniel felt even more justified for having kept that kiss simple, making sure there were no "special effects" that usually accompanied a "first time." No rapid breathing. No uttering of sounds. No touching. A sort of whitewashed version.

And Daniel had really hated doing it. He'd wanted to touch Jack so much, wanted to let go, to be able to trust not just that someone could love him but that someone would. It was intoxicating and tempting, and a few times in the last few hours, Daniel had felt his will slipping. Then he'd catch a certain expression on Jack's face as he spoke to Hammond and the resolve would reappear. Jack, the professional. The man who did his duty, no matter who it hurt, including himself.

But. The simple fact was that Daniel was scared to death. Could he take the risk, lose his inhibitions, show Jack his vulnerability? Hand him his heart and hope to god he didn't eat it?

As if some new instinct were at work, Jack looked up. Daniel froze, forcing himself not to look surprised, to keep Jack's gaze... and he was ridiculously, stupidly relieved when the beeping of the machine by his bed gave him the excuse to look away first. An instant later, he felt a keen loss. He was such a coward.

"You okay?" Janet asked softly as she came over to look at his chart. She eyed him while flipping a page, pretending to read.

Daniel gave her the slightest nod. "Yeah, just tired. I'm glad to see you, Janet, but I'd like to go home."

The corner of her mouth twitched with humor. "I thought you were."

"You know what I mean," he answered, dredging up a smile.

"Well, you're done here, so you can. I'm ordering 48 hours of conditional rest."

"Conditional?"

"I want you to come in once tomorrow and once Wednesday to give blood samples so that I can double-check the neuro-epinephrine and dopamine levels."

"Make sure we're really clear?"

"Yep. You don't need a relapse."

"No," Daniel agreed, remembering the foggy memory of the last time he was home.

Janet gave him a smile and walked over to Sam's bed to check her chart. On her other side, Jack was talking to Loren and Hammond and Daniel felt a twinge of jealousy that switched to regret, then finally into reluctant acceptance. Jack seemed to be "back to normal" and the sense of loss intensified. Jack was just fine, and irrationally, Daniel wished he wasn't. Just the once, he'd like to see Jack lose that stoic self-control. Daniel snorted at himself. He was one to talk.

~

Six weeks later...

For the umpteenth time, Daniel wondered just what the hell had compelled his traitorous mind to show his feelings to Jack. While he was secretly amazed and flattered that Jack returned those feelings, he still couldn't help but ask why? Of all people, why Jack? Sure, he had carried feelings for Jack since day one, but so what? They had been controlled, suppressed. Why the hell couldn't they have stayed buried and unacknowledged?

He passed a hand over his face, then continued dressing in the locker room. He could have, of course, handled it all without a problem if Jack hadn't gone weird on him, as Daniel had feared would happen. While Jack wasn't ignoring him, Daniel almost wished he was. He was, for some unfathomable reason, being a sarcastic, angry shit, and Daniel had no clue what to make of it or how to fix it. He didn't think it could be his absences from the team, going out on missions with SG-6 and 12, but anything was possible. It wasn't as if he was needed. SG-1 wasn't scheduled for any new missions for the time being, especially with Sam going back and forth between the Academy and Area 51.

Daniel hadn't exactly wanted to be separated from his teammates, but he'd needed to do something. Although right now, he felt guilty for not being there when that emergency with Cronus had come up. While it turned out all right, he still wished he'd been there to back Jack up. It wasn't his fault and no one blamed him, not even Jack, but Jack was angry about something and he wouldn't talk to him about it.

.

Driving home, Daniel tried not to dwell on all the exchanges he'd had with Jack, but the closer he got to home, the more annoyed and puzzled he became. Anger and resentment began to creep in, too, and without giving it a second thought, he muttered, "Fuck it," and took the right turn that would lead to Jack's house. If he didn't hash this out with Jack, he knew exactly where it would lead: pointless bickering in front of Teal'c and Sam and that just wasn't an option.

Approaching the house, Daniel spotted the black chrome of Jack's truck even before he'd cleared the driveway. He inhaled slowly, realizing he'd been holding his breath, then set the parking brake, shut off the engine and... stared at the house. He started to second-guess his motives, his ideas, then abruptly shook his head and got out. He couldn't run from this.

Reaching the front door, he raised his fist to knock when the door opened, startling him. Jack stood there, dressed in that forest green shirt that had no business making him look more handsome than he deserved, then gave him a smile that Daniel couldn't read. What the hell was that about? And why wasn't he giving him that frown that had been pasted to his face for the last six weeks?

"Hey," Daniel said, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his Dockers.

"Hey," Jack answered with the raise of an eyebrow. "What's up?"

Jack wasn't inviting him in and Daniel frowned, instantly reminded of the past and that particular situation that made him want to run as fast as he could. Before he could control it, fear welled up and he said, "Nothing, never mind," and turned around to leave.

"Hang on. Where the hell are you going?" Jack asked, and stepped outside. He held his arm out, indicating the inside of his house. "C'mon in."

Now several feet from the door, Daniel looked back and hesitated, suddenly not so sure this was a good idea. Maybe he could just let it go, let Jack handle whatever was wrong by himself.

"Daniel."

Rebelliousness reared its head. "You didn't seem to want company."

Jack started to argue, then shook his head and pointed instead. "Just get the hell in here."

Coming back, Daniel moved past him and as he did the soft scent of Jack's deodorant filled him with a warm feeling of attraction. He was glad his back was to Jack when he swallowed convulsively.

Jack closed the door and walked past him into the kitchen. "I'm just fixing a drink. Want one?"

"Thanks. I could use one," Daniel answered as a strange flood of relief filled him. Maybe whatever was wrong was over. Maybe it had had nothing whatsoever to do with him. Daniel thought of the date and knew it had nothing specifically to do with Charlie--Jack did have a tendency to be snippy whenever he was going through another grieving period. But... he tended to snap at everyone and Daniel knew for a fact that the only person he'd snapped at lately was him. Sighing at his own foolish hopes, he walked into the dining room and stood at the threshold of the kitchen, removing his jacket as he watched Jack go to the counter and take another glass from the cupboard.

Moments passed and when Jack didn't say anything to fill the silence, Daniel turned away, busying himself by placing his jacket on the back of a chair. When he turned back, Jack was already finished and walking toward him, hand out. Daniel took the glass tumbler and tipped it slightly in thanks before taking a sip of the whiskey on ice.

"Living room," Jack said, already on his way there. "Was thinking about a game of chess. Join me?"

Daniel frowned, feeling a bit surreal. This definitely wasn't what he'd expected. Something was weird and his alarms began to go off. He felt as if he were being set up. Maybe Jack's suspicious nature was rubbing off on him. Or maybe, he just knew Jack. Following him into the living room, he thought of distracting himself by teasing Jack about his habit of playing chess by himself, but Daniel shoved the thought away. "Actually, I, um, came by to talk."

Jack was in the act of sitting down on the couch and he paused at Daniel's words, then slowly sank down on the cushion. "About?"

Daniel's frown turned to puzzled consternation as he stood on the other side of the coffee table and stared down at the man before him. "About?" he repeated. "About why you're angry with me."

Jack took a sip from his glass, then set it down. This wasn't going to be easy. He knew that, but still, it would serve him right. "I'm not exactly. I just hate it when you're away from the team."

Daniel suddenly had the suspicion he was being baited. And rather than ask why, he simply decided to play Jack's game till the truth came out. Sometimes, it was better to humor him. "Since when do you bite my head off because you don't want me on another team? If that's what you call not exactly mad, I'd hate to see what happens when you really are."

Jack moved a chess piece at random. "Your point?"

Jack was being deliberately obtuse and Daniel was quickly losing his temper. "My point? Do you want me to write it down in Braille? Or I could also use sign language." One hand gesture was coming to mind.

"I could've sworn those were the only two languages you didn't know."

Daniel stared at him, completely at a loss. "Jesus, I should've known better. All you had to do was tell me why you're mad, but nope, you wanna do this instead. Fine." He set the glass down on the coffee table, grumbling, "Thanks for the drink," but he didn't make it more than two steps before Jack cut him off, bodily standing in his way.

"Where ya going?"

"Home."

"I thought you came to talk?"

Daniel glared back at him. "You have got to be kidding." He then moved around Jack, heading for the steps out of the living room, but Jack stopped him and took hold of his arm, forcing Daniel to turn around.

"Let me go," Daniel said, pulling himself free.

Suddenly Jack looked both smug and dangerous. "Why did you lie to me?"

Daniel felt his stomach clench. "About?"

Jack lifted his chin in a manner similar to Teal'c, only Teal'c would never look at Daniel like that. Chills ran down Daniel's spine and to his dismay, they weren't unpleasant ones. What the hell was the matter with him?

"You know damn well what I'm talking about," Jack said, controlling his temper far more than he felt he should. He had the intense urge to walk over there and smack Daniel one. But the only thing that kept him from doing it was that it was wrong. Daniel never lied without a reason, but Jack couldn't help feeling hurt by it nonetheless.

Daniel couldn't think. He wanted to run and knew he shouldn't but that didn't stop the wish. "I..."

"Do you think you're the only one who's afraid of getting involved?" Jack asked. His palms were sweating with apprehension and he rubbed them against his pants. He took a step back, a signal of a less aggressive posture, hoping it would encourage Daniel to talk.

Daniel felt trapped now. He'd come to Jack, yes, but to get answers from him, not to explain. Why the hell did the man have to be so goddamned intuitive? "Y'ever think of being a detective?" he asked sarcastically as he closed his eyes, telling himself that the only honorable way out of this was to own up.

"I've been one for a while."

"Then couldn't you have confronted me about this earlier? Why the game playing?"

"Don't you dare," Jack warned. "Don't place this on me. I tried to dismiss it and I got angry instead. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not the one who was lied to!"

Daniel grimaced, his teeth grinding together and he nodded once. "Fine," he said. Picking up the glass from the coffee table, he emptied it in one gulp, then held it out to Jack. "Before I try to somehow explain, could I get a refill, please?"

Jack slowly took the glass, his eyes lingering on Daniel's before he headed back into the kitchen. Daniel started to wonder what the look was for till he realized just how badly he was shaking. "Shit," he whispered, and took off his glasses to rub at his tired eyes.

"Here," Jack said. He handed Daniel his glass, then retrieved his own from the table.

Daniel set his glasses down on the table, then drank half the contents of his glass. "I don't really know how to explain myself, Jack."

"Start with the reason you lied," Jack said as he set his glass back down and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Did you think I wouldn't understand?"

Daniel set his glass down, too, and folded his arms tightly across his chest. "Yes, that's what I thought," he replied, not meeting Jack's gaze until after he'd said it.

Jack couldn't believe what he'd said and his face mirrored that. "Are you nuts? I've experienced rejection, Daniel. I know what it's like."

Daniel shook his head. "Not the same."

"Then tell me!" Jack said angrily, losing his patience. "What the hell's going on in that head of yours! Why'd you lie? I haven't rejected you! I wouldn't hurt you, Daniel!"

"You already have!" Daniel shouted, and surprised himself so much doing it that he blushed.

Jack stared at him, taken aback. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Daniel let out a small, bitter laugh. "Last year."

Jack suddenly realized what Daniel was talking about and a scowl darkened his expression. "That was different," he said, forcing his voice to be calm, "and you know it. It wasn't real."

"It was real. For nearly a week, I felt humiliated and heartsick, believing you hated me." He paused, wishing to stop because of the stricken look on Jack's face, but he had to finish. "You can't possibly think that shouldn't have hurt because it was an act." Daniel couldn't look at him then and he turned away to stare out of the French windows behind Jack's stuffed chair... the very chair he'd sat in while he'd told that hurtful lie.

"Daniel--"

"You wanted an answer, Jack. That's part of it." Daniel thought his voice sounded unnatural all of a sudden, as if he were listening to himself through stereo speakers. "When I sat out back, in that stupid Goa'uld palace, day after day, I told myself that I was wrong, loving you. I shouldn't have kissed you, don't know what the hell possessed me. I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter, that my feelings for you were foolish because you'd only hurt me... like you did before."

"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry. I thought you knew that," Jack told him, hating the way Daniel was standing in that self-protective hold. He reached out, determined to touch him, but suddenly pulled his hand back.

Daniel sensed motion and started to turn around, but he stopped himself when he detected Jack wasn't moving. Maybe he was imagining things. "I thought I did. But... I'm not over it. I believed you when you apologized but that didn't take away the sting, the memory of your face as you looked at me with such..."

"Daniel, dammit," Jack said, half-angry, half-guilty. He went to him then, touching his shoulder but not daring to turn him around. "I didn't mean any of it. Why can't you believe that and get past it?"

Daniel turned his head slightly, keeping Jack just barely in visual range, but not enough to actually look at him. "I could, if..."

"If what?"

"If I didn't..." Daniel began, voice a harsh whisper. He still couldn't turn around and face him, but with Jack in his peripheral vision, maybe... "If I didn't love you so much."

It was Jack's turn to allow his mouth to drop open. He never thought he'd hear Daniel say it. Not anytime soon, anyway. And for that matter, could he? "I uh, don't... um... follow," he said, gentling his voice. "What does that have to do with having a relationship?"

"Because I have this fear of..." Daniel's face grew hot then and he blew out a breath. "Showing you my intimate side."

Jack's brow rose. "Isn't this intimate?"

Daniel swallowed and tried to fight away the flush reddening his cheeks. "Sexual intimacy, Jack."

"Oh," Jack answered in a small voice. "Well... there's nothing to be afraid of, Daniel. It's nothing I haven't seen."

Daniel shook his head. "Not on me, you haven't. And if I share that and then we don't work out and... I'm afraid you'll betray me."

"Fuck," Jack said, his anger rising again. "Where do you get these ideas? How in the hell could you think I'd do that?" Then Jack thought of the lie he'd told Daniel and groaned. "You can't think I'd do that, Daniel. You can't. I don't kiss and tell, I don't twist the knife in. I'm not that man... not with you." He'd had to add that last part, because the truth was, Jack could be that cruel if the situation called for it. But he'd never do that to a lover. Ever.

Daniel sighed and closed his eyes. Jack was trying, and it was so tempting to believe him. But... what if. "I'm so tired of being afraid, being hurt, giving that kind of intimacy and then having it stepped on. I've been afraid for a long time. I can't just snap my fingers and will it away, Jack. Can you understand that?"

"Yeah, I can, but I want you to work on getting rid of it, Daniel, or that fear will kill you."

"But don't you understand?" Daniel said, his voice very soft, almost a whisper. He stared out of the window, purposely taking Jack out of his line of sight. "It's hard for me to... to let you see how vulnerable I can be. It's not the sex itself, or nudity. I can deal with that. If it's just a one off and I'd never see that person again, I wouldn't care. But it's you that's the problem."

"Excuse me?"

"You're dangerous," Daniel explained, a sad but wry smile coming to his lips as he stared at a finch hopping along the deck. "You're too intense. You bring feelings out in me that scare the shit out of me and the idea of letting you see more... Anyway, what I told you about dying wasn't a lie, Jack. I did mean it. It just wasn't the real reason I wanted to back off. Figured it was better to say I couldn't stand losing you rather than admit that I was too scared to let you get to me. I'm sorry I--"

Daniel jumped as Jack's hands touched the tops of his arms, fingers closing in with a firm grip, turning him around. Daniel couldn't help but return the grip on Jack's arms, but his fingers tightened when Jack stared into his eyes in a way he had never seen before.

"How do I help you tell that fear to fuck off?"

Daniel opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and redirected himself. "I don't know how."

"Are you so sure about that?"

"No," Daniel answered, narrowing his eyes at the expression on Jack's face. "But knowing that look as I do, I'd say you have an idea."

"I do. Action is better than inaction, Daniel. But the question is, do you really want to overcome this?"

Daniel let out a gasp of incredulity. "Are you kidding?"

"Maybe I should be blunt?"

Daniel eyed him. "Okay," he drew out slowly. "Go ahead."

"Do you want me?"

Daniel's mouth fell open again and he repeated himself. "Are you kidding?"

"Daniel."

"Sorry, but... that's a stupid question."

Jack raised a brow. "How?"

"You know how I feel."

"No, you never said you want me, desire me. I know you love me, and I also know how much you fear me hurting you."

"Oh," Daniel said, face growing hot. "Right. Um, yes. The answer's yes."

Upon the heels of his words, Daniel was taken by surprise, inhaling sharply as Jack pulled Daniel against him. Automatic habit had Daniel leaning away and flattening his hands against Jack's chest, trying to push off, but Jack grabbed hold of the back of his neck, holding him firmly, while his free hand grabbed hold of his ass. Daniel's heart pounded in his chest but he wasn't afraid. He was, in fact, excited by this, but he was still wondering what the hell was going on; what was Jack was trying to prove?

Jack's eyes were dark and focused, his body taut and hard. Not with anger, Daniel noted, and not with domination. His breathing was even, if a little fast, and Daniel could feel through his trousers the distinct shape of Jack's cock. His own began to swell at the thought of it and he tried to tell himself that he shouldn't do this. He couldn't. He couldn't risk it. He could not risk this.

"Jack," he was finally able to say, but it came out in a whisper. And his dick was not fully cooperating.

"Do I scare you?" Jack said slowly.

Daniel forced himself to actually think about it. "Um... I don't... no, you don't."

"Good. Now, think about this, Daniel. If I'm willing to show you my intimate side, do you think you could, too?"

"I..." Daniel wanted to say yes so badly but there was something stuck in his throat.

"Do you feel me?"

Daniel swallowed and nodded.

"Do you want me to back off?" As Jack expected, Daniel had to think about that, too.

And it dawned on Daniel that as scared as he was about showing himself to Jack, he also didn't want this to stop. "No."

"There," Jack said, cocking a half-smile. "Progress." He relaxed a little bit, but kept his hold. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I lash out when I'm angry and can't talk about it when I'm really pissed. And I've been really pissed off for a while. I apologize for not being able to talk to you about it. I also apologize for hurting you. I hated every single moment of that stupid sting operation, and most especially the part where I was cruel to you. And you have to know that it's hurt me ever since, knowing what I did to you. Do you believe me?"

Daniel blinked at him, more amazed than before.

"Do you believe me?" Jack repeated more forcefully.

The effect of his voice, and the feel of his cock, only made Daniel's dick pay more attention. "I believe you, but you're not making it easy for me to focus on what you're saying."

Jack froze, staring at him, then he suddenly smiled. It was warm, but nowhere near gentle and peaceful. There was something erotically dangerous behind it and it took Daniel a moment to realize that it was lust. And that he liked the look.

"I won't reject you," Jack said firmly. "Tell me you believe me."

Doubt and hesitation reared their ugly heads. Daniel wanted with all his heart to say yes, but he couldn't make himself say it. "I want to," he answered, then braced himself for Jack letting him go and giving up. Except it didn't happen.

"So how do I prove it?" Jack asked.

Daniel shook his head disbelievingly, still amazed that Jack hadn't given up. "I actually don't know, Jack. In the past, people never bothered to try."

"And therefore confirmed your fears," Jack said rhetorically.

Daniel nodded slightly, then stiffened as Jack leaned in to kiss him. "Wait," he said, panicking, hands pressing more firmly against Jack's chest--and in so doing, making him feel Jack's warmth and the beating of his heart. Just a bit, his will slipped. When Jack's fingers began to caress the back of his neck, Daniel's resolve slipped further. "Jack--"

"Work with me here," Jack coaxed. "Meet me halfway."

Daniel acquiesced, and as they leaned in close, their lips nearly touching, he was surprised to feel the shakiness of Jack's breath, coming in tiny puffs. It was a relief of a sort and as their lips met, Daniel let out a shaky breath of his own. He closed his eyes and welcomed the special effects. Heavy breathing, the feel of Jack's hands--now on his back and ass as his arms encircled him. Then came Jack's tongue, entering his mouth for exploration, for... something more. Daniel tried to focus on what that could be but was abruptly distracted by the shocking knowledge that Jack was hard. It was even more shocking when the ensuing thought had him thinking about dropping to his knees.

Fears battled with arousal and desire and he pulled back, his breathing shallow and fast, heart thumping madly. His eyes were still closed and he knew Jack was watching him. That somehow made it terrifying. This was real. The idea of dropping to his knees evaporated and all he wanted to do was wait. Except... wait for what? The answer slowly penetrated his brain; wait for the fear to go away.

"Daniel?" Jack asked.

His voice was low, but insistent, demanding. Worried? Daniel kept his eyes closed and didn't answer. Time was supposed to be standing still, dammit, not continuing on without his permission. "What?" he heard himself finally say, thankful that his voice was even, if a little breathless. He opened his eyes, but looked only at Jack's shirt. The color seemed too sharp. Too real.

Jack didn't answer him right away but Daniel could feel the tension in his body, the obvious desire, and he fully expected Jack to present him with demands he wasn't ready for yet. Except, that's not what happened. Exactly.

Jack placed his hand on Daniel's cheek, his thumb brushing over his mouth. He was fully aware that, given what he'd learned, that he should stop now. Not go any further; not push, not demand. And while his body screamed for attention, for Daniel's attention, he knew he should wait. Going too fast would just screw this up. Jack didn't like it one damn bit but if he pressed for more, he might just lose the ground he'd managed to claim. With a slow breath, he dropped his hand from Daniel's face and laid it on his arm. Not where he wanted but instinct told him that to let him go completely would be just as bad as pressing him to go where he wasn't ready.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Daniel looked up at last and saw concern and desire reflected back. On his own face, he knew Jack would see confusion and Daniel took a deep breath. "Yeah. I'm okay. Surprised, confused, and a bit scared, but yeah, I'm okay."

"Do you want to stop?" Jack said, and while he thought he knew the answer, he felt it necessary to ask.

"Maybe, I..." Daniel answered, but then a feeling of panic filled him. If they stopped, would it ever start again? "Um, exactly what do you mean by stop?"

Jack gave him a lop-sided grin. "Hold off. I get the feeling that rushing you wouldn't be helping."

Daniel looked down again, suddenly wondering that if he did stop now, how long would it be before they tried again? Would it be more advisable to push himself here, as he always did in everything else? "Actually, I don't know."

A little bit of hope flared in Jack and it took all his will power not to move. "Do you want me to tell you how I'm feeling right now?"

Daniel snorted, amused. Oddly, it made him relax a bit. "I think I know how you feel."

Jack caressed his arm, then moved his hand slowly and placed it under Daniel's chin, lifting it to make him look him in the eye. "Physically, I think it's obvious that I want you."

Daniel let out another laugh. "Yeah, I got that."

"But it's not fucking I want. I mean, yeah, I'd like that and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't, but... you know I'm lousy at this talking thing. I screw it up more times than not. I don't want the whole enchilada, Daniel, but I would really love to... have more. And I need you to trust me."

Trust. Daniel swallowed convulsively and told himself he had to do this, to bite the bullet and let Jack see his face when he...

Daniel shuddered at the thought, but it wasn't a completely negative feeling. "Okay," he said, and when Jack moved both his hands, reaching between them for his belt, Daniel immediately grabbed them. "Wait." Then on the heels of that, an anger at himself rose quickly, slapping him, berating him for playing this stupid game of 'I will, I won't.' "Um, no, sorry."

"No need to be," Jack said, quickly swallowing, and Daniel's eyes widened.

"You're nervous," he stated, wondering why he was surprised.

"I don't want to mess this up. But that's the whole thing, isn't it? I'm willing to take the risk. I need to take the risk."

The words hit Daniel's senses and he experienced a moment of clarity where there was no fear, no apprehension. He reached up with one hand and brushed his fingertips over Jack's face, feeling the mild sandpaper stubble before they met the softness of his lips. Jack opened his mouth and before Daniel registered what he was doing, he took his index finger between his teeth and bit down. Not hard, but enough to hold him. Looking up into Jack's eyes, Daniel inhaled slowly, then pulled, bringing Jack closer, his mouth within reach.

The effect was electric and Daniel felt lust slam through him, overriding his fear. "Kiss me," he whispered, and Jack didn't hesitate. Daniel felt the back of his knees go weak with the passion Jack displayed and, encouraged by it, Daniel looped his arms around him and deepened the kiss. A puff of breath escaped his nose... and with it, just a tint of moan underneath.

Jack felt his heart leap with victory. Daniel had given him a sign of pleasure and it was a triumph for him, for them both. Jack moaned back, indicating his own, and a long moment later, he pulled back, taking Daniel's hands in his. "I have a suggestion before this goes further."

Daniel started to answer but found a frog in his throat. Clearing it, and making Jack grin, he said, "Go ahead."

"Let's move this to the bedroom?"

Daniel swallowed, hard. "Okay but... just a reminder. I don't think I'm ready for..."

"The full meal deal?" Jack asked, stepping backward, keeping one of Daniel's hands in his as he led him up the stairs.

Daniel let out another snort. "Do you always couch sexual descriptions with food metaphors?"

"Well, no, but given how hungry I am right now, it seems appropriate."

As they made their way down the hall, Daniel slowed his steps, forcing Jack to pull him, and it made Jack stop.

"What's the matter?"

Daniel swallowed. "Sorry, I uh, was just thinking, um, if you're hungry, we can stop."

"Don't even think about it," Jack answered as he let go, then walked backwards, fingers unbuttoning his shirt.

Daniel slowly smiled. Seduction. Jack was playing, being enticing, and for some reason, it didn't make Daniel afraid. Seizing the opportunity, he gave Jack a tiny smile and began to unbutton his own shirt.

In the bedroom now, by the foot of the bed, Jack was throwing his shirt on top of the dresser, toeing off his shoes. All the while, his eyes never left Daniel--though he wasn't always looking at his face. Daniel walked over, unconsciously copying Jack's actions... until Jack backed away and opened his trousers, dropping them, and his briefs, to the floor in one swift move. He then deliberately left them in a heap on the floor before stretching himself across the bed.

For the first time, Daniel saw him hard. It was one thing to feel it, know it, and another to actually see it. He thought it silly, but he felt tingles racing all over his body as he stared at him, not paying full attention to his own undressing. Jack pulled the comforter and blankets out from under him, then reclined across the sheet in such an inviting way that Daniel nearly stopped what he was doing just so he could watch.

He expected Jack to tell him he was taking too long, but when Jack didn't, he realized why. He was watching in turn, enjoying what he saw. Daniel was suddenly a lot more self-conscious about his movements even though he had no problems with nudity. At least this was not part of his insecurity and for that, he was grateful.

"See something you want?" he asked, as he pushed down his pants and stepped out of them.

"Yes," Jack said, eyes moving over him, returning again and again to his erection. "Do you?"

"Yes," Daniel replied as he knelt on the bed, cursing at himself for shaking.

"This," Jack said as he got on his knees and took Daniel by his hips, "is why I'm hungry."

Daniel's eyes half-lidded. He was hyper-aware of his own cock, how it bobbed just out of reach, till Jack moved just a bit closer and their dicks touched. He let out a soft gasp and Jack copied him as he pulled Daniel around and pushed him onto his back. Daniel stared up at him, eyes wide, and Jack dropped on top of him, capturing his mouth. A flood of desire filled his body and Daniel had no trouble returning the kiss with interest. It was just that when Jack moved his hips, and Daniel felt the hot, silky grind of their cocks, his balls tightened in warning.

"No," he said, breaking off and pushing Jack up, separating them. His eyes were closed, his breathing rapid. "Shit."

"What's wrong?" Jack asked, his voice rough, the tone worried.

Daniel opened his eyes, staring up into that handsome face. He'd almost come. And while he felt fear, it was more than that--Daniel didn't want to come because it would simply be too soon. He knew how big a step that was for him and wanted to explain to Jack what just happened, but he didn't want to stop to explain. It would destroy the mood. He laughed softly and shook his head. "I almost..."

Jack stared down at him, surprised. "No shit?" And when Daniel nodded, he added, "Is that good or bad?"

Daniel smiled. "I think it's good."

Deciding that some explorations would have to wait, Jack replied, "In that case, Daniel, I'd better get on with it," and without warning, he lowered his mouth to Daniel's skin, licking and kissing the collarbones first, then making his way down, bypassing areas he'd have loved to spend time on.

Daniel squirmed under his touch, heels pushing against the bed, slipping purposely when he thought he was inadvertently moving away. Frequent gasps escaped through his rapid breathing and he didn't know if he should grab hold of Jack or grab the bed sheets underneath him; either way, he'd be holding on in a death grip. "God," was the only thing he could manage to say to let Jack know how he was feeling, although he had a pretty good idea that Jack had no trouble figuring that out.

When he reached his cock, Jack paused, taking the time to comb his fingers through the dark auburn pubic hair, to appreciate that Daniel shaved his balls, and to simply look at the shape and size of him fully erect. Jack expected him to be different but it wasn't often that he personally noticed another man's cock and it had been a long time since his last one. Daniel's was thick, with a fat, round dome that simply begged to be tasted and sucked and played with.

The moment his tongue touched the spongy, warm head, Jack was lost in it. He was so used to the tapered, gentle slope of his own cock that he simply found the difference between them worth investigating fully. And if Daniel came before he wanted him to, he'd simply have to repeat his actions till satisfied. Though he was quite sure Daniel would have something to say about that.

The touch of his firm hand, the feel of his wet tongue, and Daniel's eyes rolled back into his head. He grabbed the pillow underneath his head and gave into it, spreading his legs. A moan escaped and out of habit, he slapped a hand over his mouth, stifling the sound. A second later, Jack was reaching up, pulling his hand away. Daniel opened his eyes and looked down, mouth working silently as he was mesmerized by the sight of Jack's mouth around his cock.

"Ohmygod," he said softly, and as if cued to move, Jack suddenly sped up, working him enthusiastically as he stared at him, watching his response. That was all Daniel needed and he threw his head back as his body tensed, hips bucking, butt cheeks clenching. He turned his head and half-buried his face in the pillow, biting into it as he choked through his orgasm, which only intensified as Jack swallowed around him.

He was only vaguely aware of Jack releasing him, kissing his way back up his body, but when Daniel tasted himself in Jack's mouth, he moaned loudly.

Jack smiled around the kiss, then pulled back. "That's what I wanted to hear."

Daniel looked up at him, filled with a desire to give back, so with his body still thrumming from his orgasm, he pushed Jack onto his back. Without a word, he moved down, indulging himself in touch, smell, and taste. When he got to Jack's cock and held it in his hand, he took his time, loving the way he made Jack jerk from his touch. It took him a few minutes to notice, but as he sucked him into his mouth for the fifth time, he became aware of the noises Jack was making, including whispered cussing. Daniel suddenly wondered just how Jack would sound when he fucked him.

The thought, wild and heady, made him apply himself with more fervor, and the result had Jack thrashing underneath him, hands alternating between grabbing at his shoulders and fisting the bed. Daniel felt his own body responding, his cock waking up again, and as Jack threw his head back and came, pumping copiously down his throat, Daniel wondered if he'd be recovering this early years from now. He decided that such a thought proved that he had more faith, more trust in Jack, than he'd thought. An immense feeling of joy filled him, and with it, a feeling of deep foolishness for not trusting the one man who was responsible for this: himself.

.

On the bed, facing the door, Daniel lay on his stomach, chin resting on his hands. His attention was focused through the open door and into the bathroom, where Jack stood, naked, shaving. The water from the shower was only just dry, but there were a few stray droplets here and there on his back and the back of his legs. Daniel fantasized over the idea of licking them off but he had no wish to move. He rather liked the view from where he was anyway. Then a thought came to him and he asked the question he'd been wondering about since arriving at Jack's twelve hours ago.

"Are you really bothered by my spending time offworld with other teams?"

Jack paused, mid-stroke, then finished and rinsed the blade under the tap water. He gave Daniel a long look, then returned to his shaving. "Yep."

Daniel sat up, one knee raised to his chest. "You can't believe I can't take care of--"

"Don't go there, Daniel. I know you can take care of yourself. I simply don't want you out of my sight when you're off-world. Call it possessiveness or protectiveness or whatever you want." He paused and looked across the hall. Daniel, sitting in that pose, was just...

Finished with his shaving anyway, he rinsed and wiped his face and came walking back into the bedroom. Standing in front of Daniel, he held out his hand. Daniel took it and he pulled him to his feet. "Don't make me explain. It'll sound cliched and sappy and I'd rather you shoot me."

"That can be arranged," Daniel said dryly.

"Daniel."

"Jack."

"Trust me. Just like I'm trusting you. I just need you with me, nowhere else. Call it what you want, but that's the end of it."

"Speaking as my commander?"

"Speaking as your commander."

"I won't give up if it's somewhere I want to go," Daniel warned.

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't," Jack grinned and threw Daniel his clothes. "Now, let's go have some fun with the Tok'ra."

Daniel paused, then took Jack's hand, a moment of sentiment showing that he knew Jack would be uncomfortable with but they'd already agreed that if Daniel could let down his guard, Jack could too.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Were you disappointed?"

Jack scowled at him, then softened his expression. "Did I act like I was?"

"No, answer the question."

"No, Daniel, I wasn't." He suddenly gave him a wicked grin. "I don't need to ask you the same."

Daniel tried to stop the blush and failed and blushed even further when Jack smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Stop that."

"Sorry, no can do."

Daniel shook his head, wondering what the hell he'd gotten himself into--and felt enormously pleased about it at the same time. He sighed, then felt a bit of unnecessary guilt creep in. "Just be patient with me on the rest. It's only been a day."

"Half a day," Jack corrected, then pulled Daniel against him, hugging him. "Just be patient with me, too. And allow for the job and my usual behavior in it."

"Ditto," Daniel whispered back.

~

Two weeks later...

In the gym, Daniel finished his free weights, but he was still energized, far from being tired. There was an unusual restlessness in him and though he knew the reason for it, and what to do about it, he didn't know if he could succeed as well as he wanted. He got up from the weight bench and sat down on the mat, deciding that more sit-ups might focus him.

"You have something on your mind, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c observed as he pressed another repetition on the quad machine, his arms and shoulders bulging from the effort.

Daniel paused, then continued on. "I always do, Teal'c," he answered, not so sure that he should let Teal'c know what was on his mind, though he really did have Teal'c to thank for the new outlook he had.

It had been three days since Teal'c had undergone his Rite of Mal Sharaan and Daniel was happy to have his friend back, whole and at peace with himself. But the Rite had forced Daniel into a realization; if Teal'c could face his fears, and die for them, Daniel should be willing to face down his own.

He and Jack's relationship had been better, but they hadn't had penetrative sex yet. While the fear of intimacy was receding, there was still the nagging fear of letting go when it came to fucking, never mind doing the job right. After all, it was a completely different thing. They'd discussed it, and Jack had suggested that, given Daniel's fears, he be the one to bottom first. It was then that Daniel had discovered that they both preferred to bottom. Finding that out had floored him. Daniel could have sworn that Jack was a top, given his Alpha Male behavior. So now, the fear Daniel experienced was a brand new one, one he never in a million years thought he'd have.

Performance anxiety. Although, it didn't manifest itself in the usual way because Daniel didn't have a problem with getting an erection, it was more about sustaining one. It inevitably started to wilt the moment he thought, "What if I can't please him?"

A secretive smile crossed his lips when he remembered divulging that particular fear to Jack. Jack's response had been, "The only thing you need to be worried about, Daniel, is keeping me from coming too soon."

Still, the fear was present and he couldn't seem to shake it. They had a "stay over" planned tonight. What if Jack didn't like the way he did it? He could be impatient or maybe he'd want to take his time--and frankly, the way Daniel was feeling at the moment, taking his time might not be up to his body. Or... what if he was too big? After all, it had been a long, long time for both of them, and fingers, however wonderful, were far from being the real deal. The sudden thought of being fisted came into his mind and Daniel snorted at the irony.

"What is amusing you?" Teal'c asked.

Reminded that he wasn't alone, Daniel coughed, once. It didn't matter that Teal'c had no idea what was on his mind. Daniel knew. "Um..." Think! he scolded, trying to come up with something plausible. "I was just thinking of Jack." Teal'c said nothing, probably waiting on Daniel to elaborate, and Daniel cringed, hating to lie to him. "It wasn't anything specific exactly, just..." Oh brother, now he was in trouble.

Only Teal'c saved him. Sort of. Finishing his exercise, Teal'c stepped out of his machine and picked up his towel. Appearing to consider, a tiny smile appeared at the corners of his mouth and he said, "I understand. I am often amused by O'Neill." With that, he bowed his head and left. Daniel sat up, arms resting on his knees, and stared after him. He fought the urge to laugh but in the end, he lost.

. .

The closer it came to 1800, or 6 p.m. to the rest of the world, the more agitated and restless Daniel became. Jack had given him his key so Daniel was already there, trying to prepare spaghetti for dinner and finding he wasn't even remotely hungry for food. His palms were constantly damp, his reflexes ill-timed with his concentration; he'd banged his hand on the edge of the pot of water when moving to throw in some salt and had spent the next five minutes cleaning up the granules that had spilled everywhere.

The noodles were boiling, nearly done and the sauce was finished. Garlic bread sat on the counter, waiting to be heated up, and several times Daniel fought back the urge to grab the goddamn loaf and beat it against the wall. He hadn't been this nervous since he'd lost his virginity. And he didn't even want to contemplate how long ago that had been.

Pacing around the kitchen, he moved to the living room to look out the window again. Still no Jack. Pacing again, then more pacing. He returned to the kitchen... and bolted for the stove when he saw that the water had decided to boil down the sides. Cursing Jack for not getting a boiler with a proper lid, he lifted it--and promptly dropped the hot thing on the counter, sucking at his fingers afterward. The noodles were done, fortunately, so he dumped them in the colander waiting in the sink.

Thoughts of Jack had Daniel pacing again and he ordered his mind to go elsewhere. Any thoughts of having sex would just worry him more. It was bad enough--

Sound, movement, and the front door was opening. Daniel spun around in place, eyes wide. It took all of his will power not to yell, "Where the hell have you been?" Wiping his palms against his jeans one more time, he thought to walk out of the kitchen, to see him, to see if everything was fine, but Daniel suddenly found he couldn't make his legs move. He swallowed and told himself he was being silly but it didn't get rid of the contradictory fear that was now rising up like a cobra; what if Jack had changed his mind?

Turning away from the kitchen entrance, he went to the sink and pulled up the sprayer, rinsing the noodles in their strainer and not giving a shit that he was spraying too widely and splashing water onto his shirt. Movement behind him as Jack entered the kitchen and he could hear him coming closer. Closer still. Daniel dropped the sprayer when he knew that Jack was right behind him.

"Traffic?" he asked, glad that his voice didn't break.

"No, just a line at the drug store," Jack whispered back, then tossed the bag on the counter to the right of the sink. Daniel stared at the contents that partly spilled out: a box of condoms, and two bottles of lube. Then Jack set something on the counter to the left of the sink. A Gold Medal bottle of Jack Daniel's. With a red bow on it. Daniel smiled and felt silly and stupid and utterly seduced. It was Jack's version of a romantic gesture, complete with flowers. Then Jack slid his hands around his waist and enfolded him in his arms.

"I felt like celebrating," he said against his ear.

Jesus.

Daniel turned his head to the left, then twisted a little more. He caught a whiff of the aftershave he loved and swallowed. Hard. "Wanna drink then?" he asked, though what he was thinking of was, "Bedroom then?"

"I could use one," Jack answered, letting him go.

Daniel felt just a bit of a tremor then, and it came from Jack. It suddenly hit him that Jack was nervous. How could he have thought that he was the only one? What the hell possessed him to think so selfishly? Feeling guilty, he walked over to the fridge and retrieved the ice, dropping a few cubes in the glasses Jack set on the counter. Jack gave him a look that held just the hint of a smile, eyes darkened with arousal, and poured a finger's worth into the glasses.

Raising his own, Jack paused for a toast. Daniel picked his up and saluted back, then they both drank the contents down. It made Daniel grin, thinking maybe they should've just used shot glasses, but he liked the feel of the ice and... Jack cut off his thoughts as he took his hand and led him out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bedroom. Daniel's nervousness rose remarkably and as his fears tried to return, he ordered them to go away.

Jack recognized the now-familiar expression on Daniel's face as his lover rubbed his palms on his jeans. "Don't you dare," he warned as he tossed the bag of supplies on the bed and began to undress.

Daniel cleared his throat and turned away, unbuckling his pants.

"Hey, what're you doing?" Jack asked, reaching out to take his arm, pulling him back, forcing him around.

"Undressing?" Daniel offered as he opened his jeans and began to unbutton his shirt.

"Yes," Jack drawled.

He was shirtless now, except for his dog tags, and Daniel felt a quick stirring of heat looking at them. He could feel a new kink building.

"But you aren't looking at me," Jack went on. "As if this was a task." He stopped then and pulled Daniel to him. "Do you need this shirt?" he asked abruptly.

"What?" Daniel asked, puzzled. He looked down at the plainness of it and shrugged. "No, not really, but why--"

Daniel sucked in a breath, stunned and shocked as Jack ripped his shirt open, sending the buttons flying. The lust that had been slow burning sent up a few flares and Daniel looked up into Jack's eyes and found the same feeling there... no longer kept in check. He had no clue what to say but he knew what to do so he yanked his T-shirt up over his head, not caring about the rip it made too.

"You're not making this easy," he finally said as he threw both shirts on the floor.

Jack grinned as he pushed off his jeans. "Ripping off clothes makes things a lot easier."

"No, I mean," Daniel started, then swallowed again as he briskly pushed his pants down and stumbled out of them, leaving them in a ball next to Jack's. They were moving to the bed now and Daniel found his focus was once again going straight to Jack's cock. It wasn't completely hard yet and Daniel was getting ideas on improving that situation. "You're just making it difficult for me to want to be the top."

Jack paused, staring at him, a small smile on his lips. "Really?"

Daniel returned the smile with a sarcastic one. "You know you are."

"Do I?" Jack teased, then crawled onto the bed and yanked Daniel down on top of him.

Daniel sucked in another breath as the feel of his naked body against Jack's brought down the reality of what they were about to do. They'd been naked before but not with any expectation of fucking. It was no longer a matter of thinking about it, it was now an impending action. Daniel took a slow breath as he accepted it, determined to make Jack come so hard he'd forget his name. Pushing up on his elbows and squirming a bit, he refitted his hips, laying his erection against Jack's balls. So close to his ass, he thought. The look of desire on Jack's face forced pre-come to spill, moistening the head of his cock, and judging from the slight flare of Jack's nostrils, Daniel guessed he could feel it.

"I don't want to move just yet," he said with a nervous laugh.

Jack swallowed and without taking his eyes from Daniel's, reached to his left, grabbing the bag and upending the contents. Daniel pushed up, giving him room as he picked up the lube and ripped it out of its packaging. "I want you to move," Jack said in a deep, rough voice, and when Daniel groaned in response, Jack gave him a naughty smile. "I expect to hear more of that," he went on as he opened the bottle, removed the seal, and replaced the cap. Placing the bottle in Daniel's hand, he pulled him back down on top of him and absolutely claimed his mouth.

Daniel moaned into him, absently dropping the lube beside Jack's head as he enveloped him with his arms and legs, hips thrusting gently, keeping time with the tongue in his mouth. Rubbing his cock against Jack's sent spikes of pleasure through him and he gasped, breaking off when his balls tightened just a bit.

"I think you're not the only one who might come too soon."

Jack took Daniel's head in his hands and fixed him with a sensual look as he slowly spread his legs and raised his knees. Daniel's breath shortened and he felt his dick pulse. "Jesus."

"Exactly," Jack whispered, then pulled him in and kissed him again.

It was so fierce and passionate that Daniel decided to skip their usual rimming and cock teasing and groped blindly for the lube, snapping the cap open. He pushed up, letting out an involuntary moan when he saw Jack's flushed, impatient face. Following that with an embarrassed smile, he said, "If you come while I prep you, I'm gonna have to kill you."

Jack gave him a wicked look as he grabbed him and kissed him again, rolling them over, then over again. He wanted to immerse himself in the feel of Daniel's body, anticipating the hot, solid presence of his cock inside him. The thought made him kiss Daniel harder and more urgently. When he felt Daniel smile against his lips, Jack growled and kissed him longer.

Grabbing the lube and moving it down next to Jack's hip, Daniel pulled from the kiss, nuzzling his face. "Want me?" he asked.

"For a long time."

"Nervous?" Daniel added.

Jack stared back for a long few seconds, searching Daniel's face. "A... little."

"Me too. Maybe I can change that."

Placing his strong hands on Jack's shoulders, Daniel slid them down over his chest, enjoying the feel of his hair, the tautness of his nipples. He kissed over warm skin starting to dampen with sweat and inched his way down, leaving a wet trail along the line of hair that pointed past his navel.

When the head of Jack's cock hit Daniel's chin, he bent and took a lick over the dome. Jack's fingers tightened briefly in his hair as his body shuddered and Daniel smiled and kissed the ridge, then followed down the shaft, stopping at the base to look up at his lover's face. Jack was watching him and he looked like he wanted to say something but nothing came--what he did instead made Daniel's thighs and dick quiver with their own anticipation; he raised his knees and placed his hands behind them, giving Daniel full, complete access.

Swallowing, Daniel retrieved the lube and applied it with liberal devotion. They'd done this many times before and Daniel was determined that this would be no different; they would simply go a bit further. He placed the pad of his slickened thumb against the depression between Jack's balls and his asshole and began to caress him, moving slowly downward till he moved in circles over the sensitive ring of muscle. Jack contracted from the touch and Daniel chose that moment to lean over and lick a stripe up the shaft of his cock.

"Not too much," Jack warned.

"I know," Daniel answered quietly, then opened his mouth and sucked softly as he pushed his thumb slowly inside him.

Jack closed his eyes and pulled at his knees--a reflex, for if his hands had been on the bed, he'd be fisting the sheets. The pleasure was keen, unfinished, and he wanted more. A lot more. He knew what it would feel like so he was prepared for that, but it had been such a long time and Daniel's cockhead wasn't tapered like his past partners. It was full and fat and round and Jack had pretty good idea, hoped actually, that it'd take his prostate on a pleasure cruise.

Removing his thumb, Daniel overlapped his index and middle fingers and began to work them slowly past the ring of muscle. He could feel Jack striving to relax around the digits and just the feel and strength of him drove Daniel mad with impatience. As he finally worked a third finger in, he took the head of Jack's cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the slit. It took all his will power not to suck firmly or hard, and as a result, he had to lift up to swallow. He was so hard he ached, but he bent down, prepared to go a little longer. It didn't last long; Jack interrupted him with the tear of a wrapper.

"Now, Daniel," Jack said breathlessly, his free hand reaching for him while the other held the condom.

Daniel gently removed his fingers and pushed up, kneeling before his lover's opening. He gasped when Jack took hold of his cock, slipping the condom over the head and unrolling it down the shaft. The pleasure was acute and Daniel fell forward, hands on Jack's knees. Mouth open, breathing heavily, he closed his eyes and stopped moving, biting his lip when Jack let go. He looked down, knowing something was off, and realized he needed more lube. He laughed at himself, feeling the nervousness battle with the urgency, and with one hand still on Jack's knee, he sloppily squeezed more onto his cock and slicked himself quickly.

"Ready?" he asked.

Jack started to say, "I was born ready," and Daniel, expecting it, said it with him. Both grinning, Daniel bit his lip again and leaned forward, his weight against Jack's thighs, one hand still on his knee, and positioned his cockhead against his goal. Their eyes locked, he rubbed sensually, and knowing that it was now or never, that there was simply no way to get this done easily, he pushed. Jack threw his head back, and for a second, Daniel was worried, but as he felt himself enter that exquisite heat, he was startled to find no resistance. Jack was tight, very much so, but he was also pulling him in.

Heat enveloped him and Daniel let out a gasp of shock and struck out with his hands, grabbing fistfuls of sheet. He blurted out, "Oh my god, Jack," and closed his eyes just as Jack moaned. The sound seemed to reach inside Daniel, settling somewhere around his balls, and he returned it, completely unaware he was doing so. Pushing further in, he opened his eyes when Jack placed his hands on his chest, fingers finding his nipples. Daniel leaned down to kiss his chin and gasped when his cock suddenly slid home.

"God," Jack croaked, and Daniel was suddenly afraid he'd hurt him, but his body, and Jack's, told him otherwise. He tested the theory by rocking his hips and was rewarded with a pleased sound from Jack's throat. He rocked again, then pulled back, sliding halfway out before he took his first thrust. Jack opened to him then, his knees widening, hips relaxing, and Daniel gripped the bed hard and leaned down further, kissing and licking along his throat.

"Yes," Jack whispered, and encouraged, Daniel thrust again, then again, establishing a slow rhythm, but it was far from what might pass for comfortable. He was shaking from the pleasure and couldn't seem to stop. It seemed as if it would last forever but he could feel the warning in his own body. He'd come soon; the straining of his cock, the tightness in his balls, and most of all, because of the way Jack was responding to him. His breathing was rapid, interspersed with soft gasps and supportive grunts, and when his eyes met Daniel's, the pleasure and love were obvious. The expression took away the last of any fear Daniel felt. He didn't think it gone for good but he could hope.

Emboldened, he pushed up, locking his arms, and with his eyes still on Jack's face, he pulled his hips back and angled his thrusts, hoping he'd hit pay dirt. On his fourth or fifth thrust, moving at a certain angle with a very specific amount of thrust, Jack suddenly gasped and threw his head back again. He shot out his hands and grabbed the bed, using it for leverage as he lifted up and met Daniel's force.

"Yes, that's it, fuck yes," he choked, tossing his head from side to side.

Daniel found it was possibly the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He kept at it, establishing another rhythm, this one aimed at reaching only one goal.

"A little faster," was Jack's next request and it made Daniel smile because it sounded like a command. He obeyed eagerly, loving the friction and warm tingles of pleasure that coursed over his balls and up his spine.

Then suddenly Jack gasped and reached between them, wrapping his fingers around his own cock. His free hand moved swiftly over his head and gripped the pillow tightly, and with his head pulled forward, Jack began to stroke himself quickly. "Daniel," he warned, voice strained and tight, and just as suddenly as before, he arched his back and locked his ankles behind Daniel's back. "Now. Harder."

Daniel complied, slapping against Jack's ass, jarring his own balls, swallowing hard as he watched Jack jerk himself off. His orgasm was close but Daniel forgot about it when Jack threw his head back and stiffened, growling as he came. Come spurted thickly over his fingers and the sight of it, Jack's face, and the feel of him squeezing his dick, Daniel lost it. He held on tightly and leaned forward, letting his hips fly as he approached the edge. Jack's hands, one covered in come, grabbed his face, and he forced Daniel to look at him.

"That's it," he gasped, eyes bright. "Come for me."

Sucking in a breath, like an inhalation before a sneeze, Daniel suddenly went rigid and came. Hard. The only sounds he made were loud gasps and gulps and they seemed to please Jack because he pulled him down and kissed him, plunging his tongue into his mouth in a simulation of sex. Daniel moaned then, his body jerking with a few extra pulses from his cock, then he stilled again, this time for good.

They lay there, a tangle of limbs and harsh breathing, and Jack wondered when they could do it again. Rolling them on their sides, he pulled the condom off Daniel's cock and tossed it next to them, then put his arms around his lover and hugged him against his body, unwilling to let him go completely. Daniel lifted his head, nose bumping Jack's chin, and murmured, "How ya doing?"

"Sore but good. You?"

Daniel smiled and nuzzled his neck. "Not so sore, but I'm good. In fact, I'm great. And wondering when you'll return the favor."

Jack smiled and suddenly rolled them over, covering Daniel with his body. They were both sticky and wet and Daniel grinned at him, then forced Jack to bark out in surprise when he rolled them back over, putting Jack on his back. He squirmed, rubbing the semen and sweat in further, and laughed when Jack growled and grabbed his head, biting his chin.

"What's on your mind, Jack?" Daniel asked, amused.

Just as sudden as his rough play had begun, Jack abruptly softened, gentling his bites on Daniel's chin and throat. "Tomorrow," he said.

"Tomorrow?" Daniel asked, eyes half-closing.

"Your turn."

Daniel opened his eyes a bit, thinking it over, then nodded with agreement, but he was suddenly hit with the certainty that he wasn't so sure he wanted their switching to be equal. He liked Jack like this. "But..."

"But?" Jack asked, not stopping his bites.

"I'm thinking that it'll be your turn most of the time."

"Not scared at all?" Jack asked, pausing, wondering where the change in attitude was coming from.

Daniel looked into his eyes and smiled with knowing relief. "Not at all."

Jack wondered and he gave Daniel a smug but suspicious grin.

"What?" Daniel asked warily.

"So fucking me cured you?"

Daniel made a rude noise. "Don't be an ass."

"No, but I have one, right here," and he pinched Daniel's, making him jump, and he did it over and over, making him laugh till he was certain Daniel was telling the truth.

~

Four years later...

Daniel lay on his back, his eyes squinting a little as the moon shifted enough to send light through the window blinds. Beside him, Jack shifted slightly and Daniel turned his head to look at him. More grey and a rank higher, and as handsome as ever as he lay on his stomach, asleep. Daniel couldn't help but feel thankful that he had Jack to love him. Once upon a time, he'd actually distrusted this man, afraid he'd hurt him. Now, Daniel knew better, and there was no one in the universe he trusted more.

He'd be grateful to the Asgard for the rest of his life, that was for certain, and he was so happy that he had Jack back with him that nothing could destroy his mood. Hell, yesterday Jack had said "no" twice about going to Atlantis and Daniel still wasn't all that bothered by it. He did, however, figure it would take him about six months before he started to really bug Jack about letting him go. Just for a visit.

He rolled over, unable to keep from caressing Jack's back, then the curve of his hip, and thought about all the times they'd had together, good and bad, and he couldn't help but hope that when Jack retired, he'd want him with him. It was one thing to have these secret moments that no one knew about, to never be able to live together because of the goddamn job, but it was a completely different thing to step away from it all and make it permanent.

"You're supposed to be asleep," Jack mumbled into his pillow before rolling over to face him.

He gave Daniel such a sexy, sleepy look that had Daniel feeling all the more awake. "I just can't. Too many thoughts running through my head."

"Well stop it," Jack growled at him, then grinned to take the sting out and slid his arm over Daniel's stomach and curled it around his waist. He relaxed against him, his face on his shoulder. "Do I even want to know what you're thinking about?" he asked sleepily.

Daniel considered telling him, but knew it wouldn't do much good. When Jack was ready, he'd broach the subject. Till then, it was best to leave alone the things they couldn't change. "Was thinking about our first time," he said, half-lying, and because he was horny, he knew Jack would believe him.

"Yeah? What brought that on?"

"Remembering how I afraid I was, of me, of you."

Jack made a growling sound. "Took a while, but you finally got over it."

"Thanks to you."

"And thanks to you, too, because it took me a long time to figure out how to talk to you about... stuff."

Daniel smiled and rolled over, rubbing his body against him. "It was a whole lot easier to tie you down and fuck you stupid."

Jack grinned, feeling himself harden. "Fucking me stupid never required ties, and here, let me show you why."

~

end

Quotation Notes: First one is from the song, We Are Not Alone, by Karla DeVito, from The Breakfast Club soundtrack. The second one is from The Eurythmics' Would I Lie To You?