Deconstruction and Review
The following stories are some of the worst pieces of Stargate SG-1 fan fiction I've ever found. I know there are plenty of other examples in other fandoms, but I've devoted this "deconstruction" to SG-1 simply because it's my primary fandom. The reviews within are chosen for their clichés, ignorance, and sheer lack of good taste.
Someone once asked me why do I do this, as if they've never criticized anything. Well, my answer is because these stories deserve it. As long as there have been stories told via literature, plays, and films, there have been those who have found it necessary to give their opinion on why they were good or bad.
For more reviews of bad SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis fanfic see the community on Live Journal: Mock the SG Fic. Some of these reviews have been posted there.
In no particular order:
- All That Matters
SG1/SGA crossover AU.
It's a short story deathfic. And I think we need a new category called Goth, since the author thinks that melodramatic deaths are romantic. Seriously, romance is one of the story categories. However, that alone doesn't categorize this story as a badfic. It's the lack of accurate information as well as badly written prose.
Plot: Jack O'Neill is forced by President Kinsey to stand and watch as Weir, Sheppard, and McKay are executed. Why is this happening? Well... because the author needed something for Jack to do while Widdle Daniel was being held at gunpoint by Kinsey. Although you don't really know this until the end of the story, and perhaps an hour later, after you've thought about it awhile.
Another Window of Opportunity time loop story with completely unrecognizable characters. It's a type of date rape story that uses the abuse of power and authority as a means of coercion. Jack O'Neill uses the "he'll do it because I want him to" reasoning to force a spineless Daniel Jackson into having sex in a VIP room. Daniel doesn't say 'no' but he does let Jack know that he doesn't want him. Regardless, Jack figures that Daniel will like getting fucked once he gets some Jack dick--and Daniel's post-rape reaction ends up(probably by accident) being the only accurate reaction in this story: he *doesn't* like it.
- Unas Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry
by Mitch H.
Daniel kills an Unas, is sadistically raped by its buddy, Chaka comes to the rescue and *gently* rapes Daniel instead, then passes him around to his mates. This story is as bad Mitch's torture fic, "A Mad Wind" and the multi-part brutality fic, "Jack's Viking Sky," but those stories are far more sadistic. If that's possible.
- A Delicate Issue
Possibly *the* most badly-written and conceived fan fiction story ever written. The other stories come mighty close, but this one wins hands down.
Daniel is an idiot who zips his dick up after taking a piss(despite the fact that military trousers don't have zippers). He see-saws between requiring a transfusion from all the blood loss and needing to masturbate in order to relieve his straining, painful *erection.* Characterization is laughable, the situations unbelievably bizarre, and all accurate information has gone AWOL.
- Board Of Education
Jack and Daniel in a "spanking as punishment" scene. This is a failed attempt at a BDSM scene. The author has no clue that BDSM scenes require consent and there isn't any here. This is nothing more than domestic violence.
by The Space Monkey
The epitome of abusive Baby!Daniel/Daddy!Jack. The author treats Daniel like a pre-teen delinquent and Jack as his abusive daddy. If Daniel doesn't do everything Jack tells him to do, he's sent to his room, he's grounded, and he's spanked and sent into a corner. Daniel acts just like he's supposed to, with quivering lips and stuttering sobbing. Like a train wreck, this fic has you wondering what could possibly be worse. But like finding a bit of humor in the middle of a nightmare, you can't keep from laughing at the so-called spanking scenes because the author treats us to sound effects and repetitive criiiiiiiies. The current version on Area 52 is the newest revision as The Space Monkey has removed the multiple WHACKs and owwwwwwwwwwwwws, but the story remains the same. So what's better exactly? Nothing.
- What Best Friends Are For
Dysfunctional Jack is a violent abusive bully. Dysfunctional Daniel thinks that physical violence equals loving attention so in order to get Jack to pay more attention to him, he has to "misbehave." The amount of abuse, dysfunctional behavior, and misinformation passed along in this story makes me think the teenage author needs some very serious psychiatric help. This story is called cathartic, but there's nothing educational or healing in this story. It does nothing more than repeat an abusive cycle.
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