By Fabrisse
Date: 05/03/2009
Rating: FRT for discussion of "the sex talk"
Category: Drama
Spoilers: Season 3 -- In Heat
Warnings: Unbetaed
Summary: A conversation about parenting between Hotch and Reid
Notes: This is an episode tag to In Heat.
When they got on the plane, Reid thought the warning signs were clear. Hotch was pissed.
After they'd been in the air about half an hour, he realized he'd misread the situation. A pissed Hotch blew through paperwork and then got on everyone else's case to have their reports in immediately.
Today, he was reading and amending case notes, but Hotch was also taking long looks out the window. He was troubled about something.
Reid thought for a minute. When JJ started to deal the next hand, he told her to leave him out. He went to the toilet, and when he came out, Hotch was still staring at the window.
He bypassed the card players and sat down across from Hotch.
"Something about the case bothering you?"
Hotch looked over to the no longer empty seat. He seemed surprised to see Reid. "I want the best for my son."
"I don't think anyone who knows you would doubt that." Reid was puzzled.
"As a parent, even at Jack's age, you see how much they want to be like everyone else. If one kid has a dinosaur birthday party, then it's all the rest of the children talk about. They all want a dinosaur birthday party."
"As long as it's not Barney …"
That got a smile from Hotch. "Right now, on the subject of dinosaurs, Jack reminds me of you."
"I'm not sure whether to be offended that you think I sound like a three year old or pleased you'd compare me to your son."
"Go with pleased."
Reid opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and then started again. "I was about to ask why you were thinking about Jack, but I guess good parents think of their kids a lot. So my question is, what about the case made you wonder if you'll be a bad father."
Hotch looked at him. "Don't tell me -- you didn't get a doctorate in psychology because it was too easy."
Reid just shrugged. "Rossi told me about Stephen's dad."
"When?"
"Last night in the bar." Hotch's look made him continue. "I had one gimlet since we were no longer on official business. You can confirm it with Dave if you need to."
"You only lie by omission. If you say something, it's true." Hotch sounded confident.
"I lied to Emily about my phone being off when we were in New Orleans."
"That wasn't you."
"That was the drugs?" Reid shook his head. "It's the one excuse I'll never allow myself. I've had to say something like it too many times about my Mom. I'm always me. I needed to make a decision that night, and I neglected my duty to do it. I can't even say I regret it because if I hadn't I wouldn't have made the decision I needed to."
"Fair enough. And I know alcohol isn't your problem, but …"
"Hotch, I'm an FBI agent. We don't drink on duty. I know."
"Gimlets?"
"I'm from Las Vegas. We prefer classic cocktails."
Hotch nodded. "I'm avoiding your question."
"Maybe. Maybe my supervisor is worried about how I handled the last big case and wants to check up on me. You'll always have to look at me more closely now."
"Yes."
"Since you brought up avoiding the question, I have to think you are."
Hotch leaned forward a bit, and Reid matched his stance. "I was about seventeen the first time a friend came out to me. I, I didn't handle it well. It took me years to realize that I felt betrayed. He wasn't like me anymore, so how could we be friends? When he told me, he admitted that he'd known it since before we started high school. I was furious. He'd lied to me for nearly three years."
"Have you ever been able to talk to him about it?"
"After I graduated from law school, there was my tenth high school reunion. Haley wanted to go. I saw Mike there. We finally discussed it. I apologized."
"I'm sure you did." Reid stayed where he was and left the next move up to Hotch.
"A couple of years later, in college, someone in one of my study groups came out to me. I didn't know him too well, but he said he felt like he wanted to be honest with me."
Reid smiled. "Did you realize he was also coming on to you?"
Hotch shook his head. "Not for about a year. I was with Haley. I'd been with her since high school. It didn't occur to me when women were interested either. I've gotten better about recognizing a pass."
"I'm sure you have. What does any of this have to do with Jack?"
Hotch looked distant for a moment then turned back to Reid. "I want him to be happy. There's also a small part that wants him to, I don't know, be like me. I'm worried about how social pressures could make him unhappy if he's gay or how it might drive a wedge between us."
"Jack's, what, nearly four? You have a few years before this becomes an issue."
"Do I? I think of the pedophile and ephebephile cases we see, and I worry about that."
Reid leaned back. "You protect people. I'd be shocked if you didn't worry. Those cases have nothing to do with the sexuality of the kids involved, though. I can't see you becoming anything like the guy Rossi described." He thought for a minute. "I will say, Dave's scatological vocabulary is impressive."
"It is that. May I ask you a personal question?"
Reid's posture became a little defensive. "I won't guarantee an answer."
"Fair enough. How did your mother do 'the talk?'?"
Reid took a deep breath. "During my first year in college," he began. Hotch looked at him.
"Remember, I was thirteen." Hotch relaxed at the reminder, and Reid continued. "I'd asked some questions throughout high school. Mom answered them simply, knowing that I was asking about behaviors I'd seen more than feelings I was experiencing."
"I hadn't even thought about those questions."
"As a divorced man, you're probably going to get a few of those, especially if you get serious about someone."
"I know. I just hadn't thought about it."
Reid caught the flash of humor in Hotch's eyes. He said, "You have to understand, Mom read me love poetry and Proust. I knew that the love of Alexander the Great's life was Hephaestion. Gay or straight didn't enter into it. When I was thirteen, she made sure I understood the biology as it pertained to my own body which was deeply embarrassing. And she made it very clear she didn't care who I fell in love with."
"Really?"
"'Love is too precious to worry about plumbing' was her exact quote. Since I was still really amazed at what my right hand could do, I wasn't quite ready for Mom's frankness. Later, I appreciated it."
Hotch looked him dead in the eye. "Did you fall in love?"
"That question I'll decline to answer. But what I meant by 'appreciated it' is I never worried about being different. It probably sounds strange. I was already so different. Still am, I guess. But sex … Mom hates to think of me as a government agent. That's what she disapproves of. However, if I walked in with LaMontaigne and said 'meet my boyfriend,' she wouldn't bat an eye -- even if she were off her meds."
"You never questioned her love for you?"
"No. Her sanity, my sanity -- it's not easy living with a paranoid schizophrenic -- but when she was lucid there was no doubt. When she wasn't lucid, she still loved her son. It's just sometimes she couldn't recognize me as the son she loved, if that makes sense."
Hotch stared at him for a minute. "I shouldn't have asked, but Rossi's never had to face it and Morgan …"
"No. I get it. I'm the logical choice for this one, even if I'm not the conventional choice. Let me ask you a question. You said you're getting better at recognizing passes, have any other men made them?"
"I've had people think I'm so buttoned up because I'm closeted. A few men have decided I might be worth the effort, but I never considered taking anyone up on his offer."
"Because of Haley or because you're not interested?"
Hotch was quiet for a minute, and Reid thought maybe he'd crossed a line with the question.
Finally, Hotch said, "Haley was part of it because I take my vows seriously. I also wasn't interested, but they weren't interesting men. I'd like to think I'd be brave enough, open minded enough, to be able to follow my heart if an attractive man were to ask."
"Then you'll have no trouble accepting Jack's preferences when the time comes. If Kinsey's statistics were right, you have a ninety percent chance you don't need to worry about it." Reid smiled. To his surprise Hotch smiled back.
"It looks like we're approaching home."
"I'd better get my stuff together before the pilot tells us to fasten seatbelts." Reid stood.
"Thank you. I'm sorry I got so personal."
"Any time. I'll tell you to back off, if I have to."
He walked back to the central table and began to gather his things.
~
end