By Fabrisse
Genre: Character study -- Haley Hotchner
Rating: Everyone/FRT
Prompt: Response to lj user "criminal_prompt"'s August Prompt -- A moment lost
Warnings: None
Summary: This is what's going through her mind as she leaves him.
Author's note: The title is taken from the exhibit mentioned in the story. You can find out a bit about it at The Freer Gallery of Art
When was it, she sometimes wondered, the moment when she definitively lost her husband.
The drive was long but Jack was content to sleep in his car seat. The classical music that was playing was Jack's. It had been a gift from Spencer Reid, of all people. The accompanying card explained there was no real evidence for a Mozart effect, but music therapy, especially harmonies, had been shown to calm infants. Haley remembered looking at Aaron and laughing with him over the earnestness of the message.
Still, one day about three months later when Jack was fussy after a bout of colic, she'd put the CD in the player and Jack's breathing had eased slowly toward sleep. The CD was still played anytime Jack needed soothing.
Haley smiled and changed lanes so she wouldn't miss her exit. Morgan had given them some soft blocks, and Garcia had gotten Jack a really bizarre black and white mobile. She'd been sure it would frighten her baby boy, but he'd been fascinated. Later, Haley did a little research. Apparently, infants needed extreme contrast and large patterns in order for their attention to be held.
Jason's gift was more traditional, a silver cup with Jack's name on it. It was odd to her. If anything, she'd have expected Jason Gideon to find a cognitive development toy. Maybe, he'd profiled Haley and thought she'd want all the WASP accoutrements. He would have been right; she did.
Elle had put a Babies R Us gift card in an envelope which made sense, since she was new to the team.
And JJ, the ever practical, had given them a stack of inexpensive onesies in various sizes. "I earned extra cash in high school by babysitting. No matter how many you have, a day will come when you don't have enough."
The onesies had been put away as Jack outgrew them in hopes for a sibling. She felt the tears prick at her eyes. Perhaps in the future, Jack would have a half-sister or brother, if she or Aaron remarried, but the chances were good he'd be an only child.
She looked at the clock in the dashboard. Aaron would probably be on the plane coming back from Milwaukee by now.
Haley pulled off the highway, and stopped in a dark strip-mall parking lot. She could turn around, be home and waiting for him, try another time.
He'd loved her so much. He'd never pressured her for sex when they were in high school, although he'd never hidden how much he desired her. When she'd finally said yes, well, Haley had talked to her friends about their first times and heard stories of pain, loss of respect, and awkwardness.
It wasn't like that with Aaron. He'd awakened her to her body before taking his pleasure. Years later, she'd asked him who his first had been. It truly shocked her that she was his first. He'd researched women's sexual responses -- he'd blushed when he admitted reading a couple of the most popular romance novels to see what girls liked -- and worked on controlling his own.
There was no doubt in her mind that he'd always been faithful to her. Haley was certain there were moments of temptation -- Aaron was an attractive man, and she'd seen how her friends responded to him -- but he had never given in. If Aaron ever cheated, he'd tell her, confess and leave or confess and ask forgiveness, but he'd never just carry on with someone else. He could never live a lie.
Her watch told her that she could still get back. She might walk in a minute or two after he did, but it would be okay. He'd work at their marriage, accept the transfer to another department, and be the best husband and father he could be.
She'd have to be honest with him. Tell him about John. Haley knew it would hurt him, but also knew he'd just nod and accept it. He'd left her arms empty on too many nights, and she'd filled them with someone else. One promise from her would be all it would take. They'd be a family.
She wondered if the BAU knew how much Aaron enjoyed museums. There was a little exhibit at the Freer which showed how gold or silver lacquer was used to repair pottery in Japan. The pieces were beautiful, and they'd fascinated Aaron. It was one of the few times he'd spoken to her about his job.
For him, finding an unsub, giving the victims or their families an end to the story was like handing them back the broken pottery. Many people just threw it away. Some tried to mend it, only to find too many pieces were missing to make a whole. Some glued it tightly and hoped the cracks would never show. But some made more from the shards, a whole that acknowledged the cracks, creating something sturdy and beautiful.
If she went back, she'd take that away from him. Haley began to cry. Maybe she was selfish, but as far as she was concerned the world could burn as long as her world, her family, was safe.
Aaron would accept it. He loved her. He loved their son.
The storm of tears passed. Jack slept on. She started the car, and pulled onto the side road which would take her back to the highway.
The signs were in front of her. Right would take her to her sister's place. Left would take her home.
She glanced at the clock and calculated the driving time. Then she put the blinker on to turn right.
~
end